Trusting in God’s Delay: A Journey of Waiting

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

I’ve said it out loud a few times already this week, and today especially, by whispering it in my head more times than I can count, but waiting on God can be hard.

It’s not just hard — it’s exhausting, confusing, and sometimes even painful. I think today it hit me more than usual because I’ve been trying to keep it all together, to not let the heaviness of waiting seep into everything else I’m doing. But it’s there. Quiet, lingering, heavy.

I read Galatians 5:5 again this morning, and something about it gripped my heart in a fresh way:
“For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope.”

Through the Spirit. By faith. That’s it. That’s the key that I keep forgetting in all of this.

It’s not up to me to muster up the strength to wait with grace. It’s not about how “strong” I am or how long I can grit my teeth through stubborn family issues or unanswered prayers. The Holy Spirit enables me to wait. HE gives me the power to endure, to trust, and to stay grounded when everything in me just wants to fix things or run away from the tension.

Waiting is hard. But it’s also holy.

Today I thought a lot about my family — the situations that have been going on for years. The ones that never seem to budge. The same arguments. The same silence. The same hurt passed back and forth like it’s inherited. These are the places in my life where waiting feels the most unbearable. Not because I don’t believe God can move — I do — but because the wait has been so long, and I can’t see how it ends.

And yet…
Romans 8:25 says, “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”

I’m trying, Lord. Truly. I want to wait patiently. But sometimes I feel like I’m barely hanging on.

It’s strange how waiting has become its own form of spiritual training. Like God has invited me to sit in this invisible classroom where the Holy Spirit is the quiet Teacher, whispering truth to me when I want to scream, “Is it time yet?”

I keep being reminded that waiting isn’t wasted. Waiting is an invitation to stillness — to lean into His presence rather than constantly asking for His provision. It’s like He’s saying, “Be still, daughter. I’m working, even when you can’t see it.”

Stillness.
That word has taken on new meaning lately.

Stillness isn’t passive. It’s not “doing nothing.” It’s active surrender. It’s choosing not to run ahead of God, not to manipulate outcomes, not to pick up what I’ve already laid down at the altar a hundred times.

I want to be a woman who waits well — not because I have the strength on my own, but because the Spirit of God in me is doing the deep, refining work of shaping my character in the waiting. That’s where the transformation happens. Not after the miracle, but before, in the soil of patience, trust, and surrender.

Lord,
I don’t want to waste this wait.
Help me not just to survive it, but to let it sanctify me.
Help me to see You in the silence.
Help me to remember that Your timeline is good, even when mine is screaming, “Now!”

Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
I feel the Lord reminding me that “taking heart” is not ignoring how I feel — it’s choosing to trust Him through those feelings.

So tonight, here’s my honest prayer:

A Prayer While I Wait

Holy Spirit,
Thank You for dwelling within me — for being my Helper when I feel helpless. You see my heart, my struggles, my questions, and my tears. You know how deeply I long for restoration in my family, for peace that doesn’t feel forced, for healing that lasts. I lay all that before You again tonight. Not with clenched fists, but open hands. Because I’m learning that surrender doesn’t mean giving up — it means giving to You.

Jesus, be my strength in the wait. Teach me to lean on You, to grow in grace, and to draw near to You when everything around me feels stuck or silent. I don’t want to wait in bitterness. I want to wait in faith. Let this waiting not just shape my circumstances, but shape me into the woman You’ve called me to be — humble, patient, and full of Your Spirit.

Amen.

There’s something so comforting about the fact that Jesus waited too. He waited 30 years before He began His public ministry. He waited for God’s perfect timing. He didn’t rush ahead or try to impress people into believing who He was. He trusted.

And the more I reflect on that, the more I realize that waiting is deeply tied to trust.

If I say I trust God, then I also have to trust His timing — even when it feels unbearable. Even when it looks like nothing is changing. Even when people I love are stuck in cycles of dysfunction that I can’t rescue them from.

And the wild thing is… while I wait, He’s working.
Always.
Even in the silence.

Isaiah 64:4 says, “Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”

That’s who He is. He acts on behalf of His children. He doesn’t forget us in the waiting room. He sits with us there.

Tonight, as I stare out my window and look up at the night sky, I’m reminded that the stars don’t scream for attention. They just shine. Quietly. Faithfully. Like they know the One who placed them is still watching over them.

Maybe that’s what waiting looks like too — shining quietly in the dark, holding onto faith, trusting that morning will come.

So, if this season is long — and it has been — I want to believe that it’s also full. Full of His grace. Full of His Spirit. Full of His nearness, even if I can’t always feel it.

I’m going to keep waiting. Not with frustration (though I may have days where I wrestle), but with hope.

Because through the Spirit, I eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which I hope.
Not by my strength.
Not by my emotions.
But by Him.

And that… that is enough.

Still waiting,
Still trusting,
Still His!

Is “Forgiveness” The Hardest Gift For Christians?

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

Over the past few months, forgiveness has been on my heart in a way that’s hard to explain. It’s like the Holy Spirit is gently pressing on that sore place I thought I had numbed with time. But maybe God doesn’t want time to heal this one. Maybe He wants truth and grace and surrender to do the healing.

Forgiveness—what a strange, holy word. It’s supposed to be freeing, right? But why does it feel like a prison sometimes? Why does giving forgiveness feel harder than asking for it?

I read 1 John 1:9 again today: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

That verse always humbles me. It reminds me that I’m no better than anyone I’m struggling to forgive. I’ve sinned too. I’ve broken promises, spoken in anger, judged others, been selfish. And yet, every single time I come back to Him—even when I crawl back all broken and ashamed—God forgives me. Not just partially. He forgives completely. He doesn’t say, “I forgive you but I won’t forget.” He says, “I will remember their sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12).

So if God, the only perfect One, can forgive me… who am I to withhold forgiveness from someone else?

But, oh, Lord… it’s still so hard.

I’ve always thought that justice felt fair, and it does in a worldly sense. It’s like my flesh wants people to pay for the hurt they’ve caused. But then, what about mercy? Mercy is not getting what we do deserve. And then there’s grace, which absolutely undoes me—grace is getting what we don’t deserve. And that’s what God gives every day.

I heard something this past Sunday that keeps ringing in my ears: “Grace is scandalous. It offends the part of us that wants everyone to earn their way. But Jesus paid so we don’t have to.” I want to live that way. I want to give people that kind of grace. But in moments when the wound is still raw, forgiveness doesn’t feel like a gift—it feels like a death. Like I’m laying down my right to be angry. And sometimes, I don’t want to let that go.

I was reading Matthew 6:14-15 today: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Oof. That one always hits me in the gut.

We love to receive forgiveness, but giving it? That’s where the rubber meets the road. And yet, the Bible is so clear: it’s not optional. Forgiveness isn’t about saying what someone did was okay. It’s about letting God handle the justice part and freeing ourselves from bitterness. Because unforgiveness is a cage, and the longer we sit in it, the more it poisons us.

Lord, help me with this. I’m tired of holding on to things that You’ve told me to release.

Jesus, You forgave the very people who nailed You to the cross. You said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). If You could do that while bleeding, rejected, and mocked, how can I say that someone is unworthy of my forgiveness? Help me to forgive like You—fully, freely, even when it costs me something.

I think that’s the hardest part: forgiveness costs something. It costs pride. It costs comfort. It costs the illusion of control. And in return, we get peace—but not always instantly. Sometimes it’s a slow release. A decision we make over and over until our heart catches up.

Sometimes I wish God would make it easier. But maybe it’s not meant to be easy. Maybe forgiveness is supposed to stretch us until we look more like Jesus. Maybe it’s the sacred ground where healing begins.

Today, I remembered a time in college when someone I trusted deeply betrayed me. I thought I had let it go. I said the words. I prayed the prayers. But something in my heart still flinches when I think of them. I still want them to “get what’s coming.” But that’s not the way of the Kingdom, is it?

Romans 12:19 says: “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

God is just. He sees. He knows. And He doesn’t need my help delivering justice.

Maybe that’s why forgiveness is so difficult. Because it requires trust. Trusting that God is who He says He is. That He won’t let evil go unanswered. That He truly works all things for good (Romans 8:28)—even betrayal, even heartbreak.

Father, I confess that sometimes I want to be judge, jury, and executioner. I want people to know how deeply they hurt me. But I surrender that desire to You. I lay down my right to be angry. I choose to forgive, not because they deserve it, but because You forgave me when I didn’t deserve it either.

I think about Peter asking Jesus how many times we have to forgive. “Up to seven times?” he asked. And Jesus replied, “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22). Not because people should keep hurting us—but because we’re called to live with hearts that are open and clean.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean there aren’t boundaries. It doesn’t mean we have to allow toxic people to stay in our lives unchecked. But it does mean we let go of the right to hate, to resent, to get even.

And that’s hard. Because bitterness can feel like power, can’t it? But in the end, it only weakens us. It robs us of joy. It distorts how we see God and people.

I want to be a woman who walks in freedom, not chained to old pain.

I want to be someone who can say, “Yes, it hurt—but God healed me, and I’ve released them into His hands.”

Lord, help me live that way.

You know what’s interesting? The more I meditate on what it cost You to forgive me, the easier it becomes to forgive others. I see the nails. I see the crown of thorns. I see the blood. I see the open arms. I see the empty grave.

And suddenly, that petty grudge doesn’t feel so worth holding onto.

I’m reminded of Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

That’s the standard. Not “forgive when it feels right.” Not “forgive if they apologize.” But forgive as Christ forgave us—freely, sacrificially, completely.

That’s the Gospel.

I’m so grateful that God doesn’t love me with conditions. That His mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). That He doesn’t define me by my worst moment.

So why should I define someone else by theirs?

Jesus, help me remember that You didn’t just die for my sins, but for the sins of those who’ve hurt me too. You love them just as much. And maybe, just maybe, my forgiveness could be the beginning of their healing too.

If I really believe in the power of the cross, then I have to live like it means something. I can’t be half-grace, half-grudge.

Forgiveness is messy. But so was Calvary.

And if God can bring resurrection out of that, He can certainly bring healing to my heart too.

Lord, give me the strength to forgive again. And again. And again. Until it no longer hurts. Until I no longer flinch. Until Your peace becomes my default. May I never forget what You’ve done for me, and may I reflect that same mercy to the world around me.

Forgiveness may be the hardest gift to give, but it’s also the most Christlike thing I’ll ever do.

I want to be more like Him.

Eyes of Grace: How Jesus Saw People

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

This has been one of those weeks where everything felt a little off at first—but then Jesus gently rerouted my heart. He has this quiet way of doing that—no condemnation, no shame. Just truth, soaked in love.

I’ve been praying all week on the truth that Jesus never looked down on others. That sentence alone feels like a whole sermon. It’s simple, but it hits so deep. The more I sit with it, the more I realize how often I do the exact opposite. I size people up. I make assumptions. I mentally categorize people based on what I think I know. Jesus didn’t do that. Not once.

When the Pharisees saw “a woman caught in adultery” (John 8:3–11), Jesus saw a daughter. They wanted to stone her. He stooped down, drew in the dirt, and said, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” One by one, the crowd disappeared. And then Jesus looked at her—not down on her—and said, “Neither do I condemn you… go and sin no more.”

That moment is everything.

Jesus didn’t ignore her sin. He simply looked beyond it. He saw her potential. Her future. He saw her heart—maybe fragile, maybe ashamed—but still full of worth. That’s what I want. That vision. That grace.

Lord, give me eyes like Yours. Help me see people the way You do.

There’s a woman at work I’ve silently judged for months. I hate admitting that. She talks a lot. Her laugh is loud. She flirts with the married guy from HR. And every time I see her, something in me stiffens. I think, “She’s such a mess.”

But today… I swear I heard Jesus whisper: “She’s Mine too.”

And suddenly I thought, What if I’m the only person in her life who can reflect Jesus right now? What if she’s aching to be seen for more than the mask she wears every day?

Romans 5:8 keeps coming to mind: “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Not after we cleaned up. Not after we got our act together. While we were still a mess. Jesus loved us then. He loves us still.

And I felt this gentle nudge in my soul: What if you stopped waiting for people to be lovable and just loved them like I do?

That wrecked me in the best way.

I’ve been asking God to help me understand what it really means to be in Christ. Because if my identity is rooted in Him—not in performance, not in opinions, not in sin or shame—then it changes everything. It changes how I see myself. But more than that, it changes how I see others.

2 Corinthians 5:16-17 says:
“So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view… if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

Jesus didn’t just look at broken people and see brokenness. He looked at them and saw what could be—not in some idealistic way, but in a deeply spiritual, eternal sense.

  • Where others saw a blind man, Jesus saw someone who would worship with new eyes (John 9).
  • Where others saw a crippled man, Jesus saw someone getting up and walking out of shame (John 5).
  • Where others saw a hated tax collector, Jesus saw a future disciple and gospel writer—Matthew.
  • And Zacchaeus? That “wee little man”? Jesus saw a redeemed heart climbing down a tree into grace.

Jesus, You never looked down on anyone—because You saw what we could become in You.
Help me stop labeling people by their past, their mistakes, or even their current choices. Let me see eternal beings, made in Your image, loved beyond comprehension.

Sometimes I forget that the cross was the greatest act of seeing. Jesus looked at a world full of sin and didn’t say, “They’re not worth it.”
Instead, He said: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)

He saw ignorance, not evil. Hurt, not hatred. And still, He chose love.

That makes me think… When I look at someone who’s hurt me or someone I think is “too far gone,” what do I see?

Do I see someone Jesus died for?

Do I see someone who is just as lost as I once was before grace found me?

There’s this prayer I found tucked in my Bible, written in the margin years ago during a small group retreat. It feels relevant again tonight:

“Lord Jesus, give me Your eyes. Let me see the hurting instead of the hardened. Let me hear the cries behind the anger. Let me speak life to dry bones. Let me love beyond what makes sense. In Your name. Amen.”

I’m beginning to realize that when I fail to see others through Jesus’ eyes, it’s usually because I’ve forgotten who I am in Him. If I still think I’m only as valuable as my behavior, my social media, or my productivity—then I’ll judge others by those same shallow standards.

But Jesus flips that. Always.

Colossians 3:12 says:
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

We are chosen, holy, and dearly loved.
And because of that identity, we are called to love others the same way.

Tomorrow, I’m going to challenge myself.

For one day, I want to see and hear through the eyes and ears of Christ. That’s the challenge from my devotion today. And it scares me a little—because I already know I’ll be convicted. But I also know it will change me.

So here’s what I’m praying before I fall asleep tonight:

Jesus,
You never looked down on anyone—not the outcast, the adulterer, the rebel, the doubter, or even the ones who nailed You to the cross. You saw people, not projects. Souls, not labels.

Lord, forgive me for the times I’ve been quick to judge and slow to love. I confess that I’ve looked down on others to feel better about myself. Strip that pride from me. Break it. Replace it with compassion.

Holy Spirit, tomorrow, give me Your eyes. Let me see the barista, the coworker, the person I usually ignore—all through Your lens of eternal value. Let my words reflect the gentleness of Jesus. Let my heart be quick to forgive and slow to assume.

Help me carry Your presence, not just in my words, but in my eyes, in the way I see people.

Thank You for never looking down on me, even when I was at my lowest.
Thank You for always seeing the version of me I couldn’t see yet.

I love You more than anything, Jesus.
Amen.

(CLICK HERE TO PRAY WITH ME FOR STRENGTH!) Please! I Need Strength Today! After What Happened Today, My Heart is Torn! Everyone’s Heart is Torn! Pray with me!

Tonight I feel both convicted and comforted. Like God is doing something small but permanent in my heart. I want to walk into tomorrow wide-eyed with grace, looking at every person as someone Jesus is madly in love with. Because they are.

And so am I.

He never looked down on me.
How could I look down on anyone else?

— A Daughter Learning to See Like Jesus

Divine Affection: The Holiness of God’s Love

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

I don’t even know how to begin, except to say thank You. Thank You God for Your love.

Thank You God that Your love is not like human love—fleeting, conditional, broken—but that it is holy, steadfast, unshakable, and pure. I’ve been meditating all day on Isaiah 54:10:

“The mountains and the hills may crumble, but My love for you will never end…so says the LORD who loves you.” — Isaiah 54:10 (GNT)

That verse has wrapped around my heart like a blanket. Honestly, I needed it today. I’ve been feeling really stretched in some areas of my life—spiritually, emotionally, and even physically—and I found myself questioning some things. Not questioning You, Lord, but questioning if I’m walking right, if I’m missing something. Sometimes I wonder why things are so hard when I’m trying so hard to follow You.

But You reminded me today that Your love is holy love.

It’s not the kind of love that always feels soft or comfortable. Sometimes it burns. Sometimes it breaks before it builds. Sometimes it wounds before it heals. I’m slowly realizing that holy love doesn’t just comfort—it corrects. It doesn’t just protect—it purifies.

And I guess that’s what You’ve been doing in me lately: purifying. You’re removing idols I didn’t know I had. You’re calling out insecurities that I’ve buried under productivity. You’re showing me that surrender isn’t a one-time prayer but a daily sacrifice. And through all of it, I can feel Your holy love—strong, fierce, yet full of mercy.

“As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.” — Psalm 103:13-14 (NIV)

I love that verse so much. I cried when I read it earlier. Sometimes I think I have to be strong for You, like I need to show You how committed I am by pushing through on my own. But You know I’m dust. You’re not asking me to be strong—you’re asking me to be surrendered.

Even when You allow trials—especially when You do—You’re not being cruel. You’re being holy. Your love doesn’t overlook the cancer of sin in me. You fight it, even when I cling to it. And it hurts, Lord. It hurts when You pull things away that I once found identity or comfort in. But I trust You. I trust that Your discipline is not punishment—it’s love.

“The Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as his child.” — Hebrews 12:6 (NLT)

I read that and I just paused. I looked at my life and said, “Wow, God—you really must love me.” Because You haven’t let me go. Even when I drift. Even when I numb myself with distractions or withdraw because I’m tired. You keep pursuing me. And You keep pruning me.

I heard a sermon the other day that said: “Love that doesn’t confront sin isn’t love—it’s tolerance.” And I know now that You don’t tolerate me, You treasure me. And that’s why You won’t let sin take root in me. You are holy, and Your love is holy too. You love me too much to let me be less than who You created me to be.

And I’m beginning to see that trials are not punishment—they’re invitations. Invitations into deeper trust, deeper dependency, deeper intimacy with You.

“Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.” — Lamentations 3:32-33 (NIV)

That verse undoes me. You don’t delight in my pain. You’re not standing far off watching me struggle. You’re here. You’re near. You suffer with me. You are Emmanuel, God with me, even in the storm. Maybe especially in the storm.

It’s in the furnace that You refine. It’s in the fire that You reveal. It’s in the crushing that You produce oil. And I don’t want to resist the process anymore. I want to embrace it—even if I don’t understand it fully—because I know You. And I trust Your heart more than I fear the heat.

“The Lord binds up the bruises of his people and heals the wounds he inflicted.” — Isaiah 30:26 (NIV)

That is such a strange verse when I first think about it—You inflict wounds, yet You are also the one who heals them. But I get it now. You’re not causing pain for pain’s sake. You’re a surgeon, not a sadist. You wound to remove infection. You break to reset what was broken in the wrong way. You crush to restore.

Your love is fierce, Father. But it is good. It is not reckless—it is righteous. It is not wild—it is wise. It is not passive—it is powerful. It doesn’t leave me as I am, and for that, I am forever grateful.

I used to want a love that just made me feel safe. Now, I want a love that makes me holy.

“Real love seeks the well-being of the loved one. It warns to prevent more harm. It disciplines to create more growth.”

That’s You. That’s what You’ve been doing all along. And even though it’s been hard, I see the fruit. I see how You’re growing my patience, my humility, my prayer life. I see how You’ve used disappointments to draw me closer to You. I see how You’ve used closed doors to redirect me toward better ones. You’re not being cruel—you’re being kind.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” — James 1:17 (CSB)

You don’t change. Not with my moods, not with my mistakes, not with my questions. Your love stays constant when everything else shifts. Even when the world is loud and my own heart is confused, You remain. And Your love remains. And it’s holy. And it’s healing me.

A Prayer of Response:

Heavenly Father,

Thank You that Your love for me never ends. Thank You that it’s not based on my performance but on Your perfect nature. Thank You that when I fall short, You don’t walk away. Instead, You move closer. Thank You for the trials that lead me back to Your heart. Thank You for the pruning that prepares me for fruitfulness. Thank You that Your love confronts, corrects, and restores.

Lord, help me to trust You in the middle of refinement. When it hurts, remind me that You are near. When I’m tempted to believe that You are distant or angry, whisper again the truth that You are holy, and so is Your love. Help me to welcome Your discipline, knowing it is evidence that I am Your daughter.

Make me more like Jesus. Shape me with Your holy love. I surrender again tonight. Take everything that is not of You, and replace it with truth, with grace, and with fire.

And even if the mountains crumble, I will rest in the truth that Your love for me will never end.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Is Heaven Listening? The Power of Prayer is Real

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

Tonight, my heart feels so full and so fragile all at once. The world outside my window is quiet—just the soft hum of the fan and the occasional chirp of a cricket. But inside me, it’s anything but quiet. I feel stirred. Not anxious exactly, just… aware. Aware that I need God more than ever, and somehow, even when I whisper the tiniest prayer, I know—really know—that Heaven is listening.

But some days I do wonder. I’m not proud of that, but it’s honest. Is Heaven listening? When my voice cracks under the weight of what I can’t even put into words, is God really hearing me? And more than that—does He care?

Tonight, I opened up to Psalm 34:17:

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles.”

I held onto that verse like it was oxygen. Because today I cried—not out loud, but in that quiet way where you hold your breath so no one hears, but your soul is screaming. I didn’t have the strength to pray long or with eloquence. All I could manage was: “Jesus, I need You.”

And that was enough.
It had to be enough.

Lately, prayer has felt less like a ritual and more like my lifeline. It’s not about pretty words anymore. I don’t even bother with formalities. I talk to Him like I’d talk to my best friend. Because He is.

He’s the only one who’s been with me through everything—the bad breakups, the confusion after college, the loneliness I didn’t expect at this age. Everyone told me life would feel more settled by 24, but honestly? It just feels like more questions, more pressure, more waiting.

But prayer reminds me I’m not waiting alone.

A Little Prayer Tonight:

Jesus, thank You for listening even when my words are few. Thank You for not being distant, even when I feel far away. Draw me back to You tonight. Remind me that my prayers are not in vain and that You’re doing something in the silence—even when I can’t see it. Amen.

I remember something my grandma used to say: “You don’t always need to hear from Heaven to know that Heaven hears you.” I never understood that until now. I think about the times I’ve prayed for things that didn’t happen the way I wanted—but somehow, it worked out better later. Maybe unanswered prayers are God’s mercy in disguise.

1 John 5:14 brings me comfort, especially on days like this:

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.”

I keep asking for clarity—about my future, about my purpose, about whether I’m doing this life right. But maybe what I need more is courage. The courage to keep praying even when the answers feel far away.

Earlier today, I journaled this prayer (before I even opened my Bible):

Lord, I don’t want to treat prayer like a last resort. I want it to be my first move. Even when I don’t see immediate results, remind me that You’re always working behind the scenes. Let me trust the process and trust Your heart, even when Your hand feels hidden.

When I think about prayer, I don’t just think about asking. I think about connecting. Like, deep soul-to-God connection. And that changes everything. It’s not about wish lists—it’s about presence. His presence. And when I feel that, even just a little, I’m okay again.

I think of Philippians 4:6-7 so often:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

That verse has literally carried me through panic attacks. I read it out loud when my heart races, and it’s like the Word itself becomes a balm over my chaos. I still struggle with fear sometimes, but prayer has become my shelter.

Tonight’s final prayer:

Abba, You are my refuge. When everything feels uncertain, Your love remains. Help me to not just pray out of desperation, but out of devotion. Remind me that every whispered prayer reaches You. That not one word falls to the ground. That You’re near. I surrender my need to understand, and I choose to trust that You are good, always. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

So, is Heaven listening?

Yes. I believe that with every fiber of my being—even on the days when I don’t feel it. Faith isn’t about always feeling—it’s about choosing to believe, even in the silence.

And tonight, I choose to believe. I choose to believe that the Power of Prayer is real. That my small, trembling voice matters to a big, powerful God. That my tears don’t go unnoticed. That even now—right now—Heaven is not just listening, but leaning in.

Goodnight, Jesus. I love You.
Thank You for loving me first.
More than anything else in this world, I belong to You.

God’s Guardrails Are Not Just a List: How the 10 Commandments Keep Me Grounded

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

More than ever before I feel God’s presence like a warm light wrapping around my soul—just comforting enough to remind me I’m not alone. I’ve been thinking deeply about something a new friend said at small group over the weekend: “God’s guardrails are more than just a list.” How true that is! The Ten Commandments—they’re not rules meant to chain me; they’re loving boundaries from a Father who wants the best for me.

When I first encountered the Ten Commandments as a kid, I thought of them as a little pile of “thou shalt nots,” like rules that threatened punishment if broken. But over the last few years—especially now at 24—I’m discovering they’re liberating guardrails. Ironically, these boundaries don’t limit me; they protect me. They keep me grounded in truth, love, and purpose.

📖 “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” —2 Timothy 1:7. This tells me He didn’t give those commandments to scare me. He gave them so I could walk in confidence, rooted in His love, free from fear of “messing up.”

💕 Commandment by Commandment: How They Guide Me

  1. “You shall have no other gods before me.”
    — It’s a daily reminder that when I idolize my career ambitions, relationships, or even comfort, I’m drifting away from Him. I pray: “Lord, You alone are worthy of my highest devotion. Teach me to keep You at the center.”
  2. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image…”
    — In this age of comparison on Instagram and TikTok, it’s easy to idolize trends, aesthetic, or image. I whisper: “Help me focus on who I am in You, not what I look like to others.”
  3. “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.”
    — I catch myself sometimes saying God’s name in frustration. I repent: “Father, forgive my careless words. Let my tongue speak life and honor.”
  4. “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.”
    — Oh, how I struggle with rest! My heart races at the thought of doing nothing. But Sabbath reminds me that rest is holy and necessary. “God, grant me peace in stillness and remind me You are enough.”
  5. “Honor your father and your mother.”
    — This one has softened me. My parents have taught me so much about faith and grace. I pray: “Thank You for them. Help me honor them in word, deed, and heart.”
  6. “You shall not murder.”
    — It’s about more than physical harm—it’s about words. I’ve let frustration boil into bitterness. “Lord, guard my heart and my words; let me speak life, forgiveness, and grace.”
  7. “You shall not commit adultery.”
    — My future spouse deserves holiness. I guard my eyes, my thoughts, my purity—heart, mind, and body. “Keep my mind pure and my heart faithful, Lord.”
  8. “You shall not steal.”
    — It’s more than property—what about time, attention, honor? Do I “steal” someone’s right to feel seen? “Give me a generous heart, not a selfish one.”
  9. “You shall not bear false witness.”
    — Gossip is insidious. “Help me speak truth in love and defend those who can’t defend themselves.”
  10. “You shall not covet.”
    — That ache in my chest when I scroll and feel less-than? That’s covetousness. “Lord, cultivate contentment in me. Teach me to delight in Your provision.”

🌺 Guardrails or Gateways?

This morning, I was running late and my heart thundered in my chest—fear, worry, frustration. My to-do list rolled on. And then I caught the whisper: “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10). In that moment I realized, the guardrails aren’t barriers; they’re gateways. The guardrails offer a route back to Him when I’ve drifted into chaos. They invite me into shelter.

When I honor the Sabbath, I actually find joy in rest. When I guard my speech, I build up others. These commandments protect me from self-destruction and evil influences.

🙏 Prayer of the Heart

Heavenly Father,
I thank You that You are not distant or cold. You are a loving Father who set these commandments to guide my heart, not condemn it. When I was younger, I saw them as burdens. Now, I’m seeing them through the lens of redemption and transformation. Please:

  • Root me in Your love and not in fear.
  • Illuminate the times I drift without realizing it.
  • Guard my heart from idols—money, approval, even my own agenda.
  • Help me offer rest to my soul and mercy to others.
  • Shape my speech to be truth-laden and life-giving.
  • Give me contentment so covetousness has no foothold.

Thank You that Jesus fulfilled the law and that in Him, I don’t walk in condemnation. Instead, I walk in grace. When I fail, I remember “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us…” (1 John 1:9).

✨ Real-Life Glimmers

This week, I saw the power of the commandments in real life.

  • At work, when gossip bubbled up, I chose to change the subject. My coworker thanked me later—it felt like a mini-mission moment.
  • In a friendship, I offered a listening ear rather than advice. Took the commandment against taking from someone else’s time personally.
  • Internally, I noticed less comparison when I devoted ten minutes of prayer each morning. It’s subtle, but oh, so sweet.

It’s like each commandment is a little lamp lighting my path. They’re not legal chains—they’re kind directions that help me walk with clarity.

💞 My Prayer for You

If you’re reading this and wondering, “Do I really need these ancient rules?” I’d say yes—because they’re not ancient limits, but divine love letters. In a world that tells us to define our own truths, the commandments are like a Compass pointing us back to our Creator.

I pray that you find freedom in each guardrail:

  • Let the first two commandments remind you who you are in Christ and who God is—evoking awe, worship, and alignment.
  • Let the middle commandments shape your rhythms: rest in Him and honor family.
  • Let the last ones guide your ethics: how you speak, act, love, desire.

💌 Nighttime Prayer

Lord Jesus, You are the fulfillment of the law. At night, when the world quiets down, You whisper rest to my soul. Help me to rest not from work but in You. Remind me that I am not defined by my performance or perfection. You see me, You love me—even when I fall short. Thank You for sending Your Spirit to convict, guide, and empower me. May I live tomorrow tethered to Your truth. No cultural trend, no fear, no strife can unmoor me when You are my anchor.

“The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun‑scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well‑watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” —Isaiah 58:11

With all that I am and all that I will become, I place my trust in You. I want Your commandments to be written on my heart (Jeremiah 31:33), not out of obligation, but out of love.

Amen.

🌙 Final Thought

As a 24-year-old who stumbles, dreams, hopes, and seeks, the Ten Commandments aren’t obsolete—they’re so relevant. They guard the digital spaces where I dwell, the relationships I treasure, and the dreams I chase. They’re not just a list—they’re a lifeline.

So tonight, I tuck into bed, whispering, “Goodnight, Lord. Thank You for Your guardrails. Keep me grounded—and free—in You.” And I rest with that sweet sense of being deeply, truly, unconditionally loved.

Loving God with All Your Heart: What True Devotion Looks Like

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

I feel both full and convicted. Full—because You’ve (GOD) been so present in my life lately. Convicted—because I realize there’s so much more of my heart I haven’t truly surrendered to You.

I keep coming back to this verse:

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”
— Deuteronomy 6:5 (NIV)

All. That word has been echoing in my spirit lately. Not some of my heart. Not most of my soul. Not when it’s convenient. But all. Every part of who I am. Every moment. Every breath. Every hidden corner.

And if I’m honest with myself—painfully honest—I don’t know if I’ve really loved You with all my heart. I love You deeply, passionately, with a reverence that shapes my life. But I also know that sometimes I hold pieces of myself back. I cling to control, pride, comfort, and even fear.

This morning during my quiet time, I asked myself a tough question:
What does true devotion to God actually look like?

It’s not just going to church. It’s not just reading my Bible every morning. It’s not even just avoiding sin.

True devotion looks like love in action. It’s consistent surrender. It’s obedience even when it’s hard. It’s valuing Your voice over everyone else’s—even my own. It’s daily saying: Not my will, Lord, but Yours be done.

“If you love me, keep my commandments.”
— John 14:15 (KJV)

That verse wrecks me. Because it shows that love for You isn’t just emotional—it’s practical. Tangible. Expressed through obedience. You’re not asking me for a warm feeling. You’re asking for my life.

And I want to give it to You. Not just on the days I feel “spiritual,” but on the days I feel messy, distracted, or tired. Because You never asked for perfect—You asked for all.

Lord, teach me what it really means to love You with all my heart. I don’t want to be lukewarm. I don’t want to follow You halfway. I want to burn with devotion for You. I want my life to scream, “Jesus is worth everything.”

You showed me something today during my walk. As I passed this tree, I noticed how deeply its roots had grown into the ground. I felt You whisper, “That’s what I want your love to look like—deep, anchored, unshakable.”

I want roots like that. I don’t want to be the girl whose love withers in the heat of trial. I want to be found faithful, even when no one’s watching. Even when it costs me comfort or approval. Even when You’re asking me to do something I don’t understand.

That’s what loving You with all my heart looks like:
Loving You when I don’t feel You.
Loving You when prayers go unanswered.
Loving You when obedience is painful.
Loving You more than my own desires.

I think about Abraham and how he was willing to sacrifice Isaac. That’s what You call true devotion. That story always stretches me, but it also inspires me. Abraham trusted You so much, he was willing to give up the one thing he loved most. I want a heart like that.

“You shall have no other gods before me.”
— Exodus 20:3 (ESV)

No idols. Not relationships, not comfort, not success, not self. Nothing before You. That’s the challenge of true devotion—it requires an undivided heart. And some days, I realize how much work I still have to do.

Lord, search my heart. Tear down anything that competes with You. I don’t want to say I love You while secretly placing my trust in lesser things.

Right now, I want to offer You this simple, sincere prayer:

Father God,

You are worthy of my whole heart. Forgive me for the times I’ve given You only pieces of myself—when I’ve been half-hearted in worship, distracted in prayer, or hesitant in obedience.

Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right spirit within me. Teach me to love You more deeply, more honestly, more fully. Help me to love You with all my heart, all my soul, all my strength—and not just in theory, but in how I live, speak, and choose each day.

Let my love for You be proven in the quiet places, not just the public ones. Make my heart soft to Your voice, and my feet quick to follow it.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Something I’ve learned lately is that love without discipline doesn’t go very far. That’s why I’ve been asking the Holy Spirit to help me build spiritual habits that reflect devotion—not obligation. It’s not about performing for You. It’s about being near You. Staying close.

So here’s what I’ve been working on:

  • Intentional time with You (not just checking a box)
  • Fasting distractions that pull my heart in different directions
  • Saying yes to uncomfortable obedience—like reaching out to someone I’d rather avoid
  • Choosing purity in how I talk, what I watch, and how I date
  • Praising You first—even before I ask for anything

None of these things earn Your love. But they flow from it. They’re the fruit of a heart that’s in love with You.

True devotion isn’t flashy. It’s steady. It’s showing up every day and saying, “Here I am, Lord. All of me. Again.”

“Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, who seek Him with the whole heart.”
— Psalm 119:2 (NKJV)

With my whole heart. That’s what I want, God. Not half. Not 80%. All.

I know I’ll fall short. I’ll have moments when I waver, when my heart gets pulled by shiny distractions or loud opinions. But even then, I pray You’ll pull me back. Redirect me. Remind me of the cross. Remind me of grace. Because the beautiful thing about loving You is that it’s not about perfection—it’s about pursuit.

And I’m pursuing You, Jesus. Day by day. Thought by thought. Step by step. I want to finish this life having poured it all out for You, with no regrets, no holding back.

So tonight, I’m making a quiet vow:
To love You not just with my words, but with my life.
To love You when no one else sees.
To love You with all my heart—even when it breaks.

Because You are worthy of all of me.

Cling to the Cross: How to Keep Yourself in God’s Love

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

For a while now, at least since Spring I’d honestly say, my heart has been heavy, but not with sorrow—more like reverence. A deep, weighty awareness of how fragile my love can be compared to Yours (God’s). I’ve been sitting with Jude 21 all week:

“Keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.” – Jude 21 (NIV)

That verse doesn’t let me off the hook. It commands me. It tells me that remaining in Your love isn’t automatic—it’s intentional. And that convicts me.

Because, God… how many times have I allowed distractions, fears, or even just apathy to distance me from You? How many times have I let my emotions steer me away from Your presence instead of clinging to the cross like it’s my lifeline—which it is?

I sat in my car earlier after running errands, and I just started crying. Not out of sadness, really, but out of this mix of longing and guilt. I want to stay in Your love, but some days I don’t even know what that really looks like. And yet—Your voice, gentle and steady, reminded me: Cling to the cross.

Not just in the hard moments. Not just on Sundays. But every single day.

When I woke up this morning, I prayed out of routine. But by the time I got to mid-afternoon, I had already snapped at someone, scrolled mindlessly through my phone, and barely acknowledged You in the middle of my thoughts. And then tonight, You bring me back again—to Your Word, to Your presence, to Your mercy. You always bring me back.

“Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine.” – John 15:4 (NIV)

You are the Vine. The source of love, strength, and truth. I’m just a branch. I dry out so quickly when I’m not connected to You. I think that’s why Jude tells us to keep ourselves in Your love. Because the world pulls hard. Our flesh pulls even harder. And the only way to stay in Your love is to choose it daily—to choose You daily.

Jesus, I don’t want to just visit Your love when life falls apart. I want to live there. Dwell there. Make it the home my heart always returns to. I want to cling to the cross—not out of desperation, but out of love and dependence.

I thought about what clinging to the cross really means, and I think it starts with remembering. Remembering what You did for me. Not just in a distant, “Sunday-school” way, but really reflecting on it. You gave everything. You suffered shame, pain, rejection—all for me. You didn’t hold back. How could I?

Lord, help me not to treat Your sacrifice like a safety net I only fall into. Help me treat it like the center of my life—the reason I do what I do, the lens I see everything through. When I’m tempted to wander, bring me back to Calvary. When I doubt, show me Your hands. When I feel unworthy, let me hear Your voice again: It is finished.

I guess what I’m realizing is that clinging to the cross looks a lot like choosing You in the smallest moments. Like…

  • Opening my Bible instead of opening a complaining text.
  • Choosing prayer over worry.
  • Forgiving when I want to sulk.
  • Turning off the noise and just sitting in silence with You.

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” – Hebrews 10:23 (ESV)

You are so faithful, Lord. Even when I’m not. Even when I wander. Even when I forget. And that faithfulness pulls me back into Your love every single time. It’s not a love I earned—it’s a love You gave. Freely.

Tonight, I wrote this simple prayer in my journal and I want to pray it out loud now:

Father God,

Thank You for the cross. Thank You that Your love was poured out in blood, not just in words. Remind me daily that Your love is not distant—it’s present. It’s active. It’s sacrificial.

Lord, help me to keep myself in that love. Teach me how to cling tightly when the world distracts and the enemy lies. Strengthen my heart to obey, to abide, and to remember that no matter what’s happening around me, Your love is constant.

When I feel cold or distant, draw me near again. Let my soul be tethered to Your cross—never wandering too far, never forgetting the cost of grace.

In Jesus’ holy name,
Amen.

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You know, I used to think “keeping myself in God’s love” meant being perfect. Like, if I read my Bible enough, prayed long enough, behaved good enough—then I’d stay in it. But now I know: Your love isn’t something I have to perform for. But keeping myself in it? That’s about protecting the space You’ve made for me. It’s about fighting to remain in the awareness of Your grace—fighting to stay in the shelter of it when my emotions say otherwise.

I’m reminded of Psalm 91:

“He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge; His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” – Psalm 91:4 (NIV)

Your love is my refuge. My safe place. My covering. And I don’t want to step out from under that. I want to stay close—no matter how grown-up or independent I feel. Because truthfully? I’m nothing without You. I don’t want to be anything without You.

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up and whisper again, “Cling to the cross.” When my thoughts scatter, when my heart grows tired, when the enemy tries to accuse—I’ll choose the cross. I’ll choose the love that never gives up on me. The love that bleeds and redeems and resurrects.

I don’t always know what lies ahead, Lord. But I know what holds me now: Your love. And I’m keeping myself in it by clinging tightly to You.

God’s Got This: Resting in His Faithfulness

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

I needed to write tonight (Sunday June 22nd). My heart feels heavy, not with hopelessness, but with questions, confusion, and honestly—this overwhelming need to let go and trust You. It’s just… hard sometimes. My mind knows the truth: You are good, You are faithful, You are in control. But my emotions? They don’t always catch up.

Today was one of those days that tested me. Work was chaotic, and I felt like nothing I did was enough. I tried my best—stayed online late, double-checked everything in my project case, fake-smiled through it all. But deep down, I felt anxious. Not because of the project itself, but because I’m scared. Scared that I’m failing. Scared that You’re disappointed in me. Scared that maybe I’m not where I’m “supposed” to be.

But You reminded me of something powerful today.

Right in the middle of my anxious spiral, a verse popped into my head—like You whispered it gently to my spirit:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
— Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

I’ve read that verse probably a hundred times. I’ve memorized it. Quoted it. But today… today it hit differently. I realized I’ve been leaning so hard on my own understanding. My own logic. My five-year plan. My checklist of how things should be going by now. And in doing that, I’ve subtly told You that I trust my own ability to figure life out more than I trust You.

That stung.

God, I’m sorry. I truly am. I know You don’t expect perfection from me, but You do want my trust. You want my surrender. And that doesn’t mean giving up—it means handing over the steering wheel and saying, “God, drive. I’ll go wherever You take me.”

So tonight, I’m choosing to say it again: God, You’ve got this. Whatever “this” looks like—my career, my relationships, my finances, my emotions, my future—I’m giving it to You. I want to be like David when he said:

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You.”
— Psalm 56:3 (ESV)

Even David, a man after Your own heart, felt fear. But he didn’t stay there. He put his trust in You. Actively. Intentionally. That’s what I want to do too.

Here’s the truth, Lord. Trusting You isn’t always a one-time thing. For me, it’s like… a million little moments every single day. I trust You when I pray. I trust You when I let go of what I can’t control. I trust You when I stop rehearsing worst-case scenarios in my head. I trust You when I choose peace over panic.

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Honestly, it’s humbling. I’m 24, and there’s so much I thought I’d have figured out by now. But maybe that’s part of the journey. Maybe You’re allowing this space of “not knowing” to teach me how to walk by faith and not by sight.

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”
— 2 Corinthians 5:7 (KJV)

Lord, that verse has been my anchor lately. It’s so countercultural to walk by faith. The world screams, “Have a plan. Be in control. Know what’s next.” But You whisper, “Follow Me. Trust Me. I know the way.”

Tonight, I needed to write all this out to remind myself—and maybe even to declare to You again—that I do trust You. Even when it’s messy. Even when my heart trembles. Even when I can’t see two steps ahead.

You’ve been too faithful for me to doubt You now.

I remember when I prayed for this job. You opened the door. I remember when I prayed for peace during Mom’s surgery. You flooded me with it. I remember when I asked You to show me if that relationship wasn’t from You—and You did, even though it hurt. You’ve always been there. Always come through. Always held me when I felt like I was falling.

So if I believe that You were God then, I need to believe You’re still God now.

Here’s a little prayer I want to pray tonight before bed:

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for being patient with me when I waver. Thank You for holding me when I’m tired of trying to hold everything together. I lay down my need to control, my fear of failure, my doubt, and my anxiety at Your feet.
You are the Author and Perfecter of my faith. I trust that You are writing a beautiful story, even if I’m only on a confusing page right now. Help me to rest in the truth that You see me, You know me, and You love me more than I can comprehend.
Teach me to trust You more tomorrow than I did today.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

I think about Peter walking on water sometimes. The second he looked at the waves instead of Jesus, he sank. And yet—You didn’t let him drown. You reached out and pulled him back up. That story gets me every time.

You didn’t shame him for looking away. You didn’t abandon him when he got scared. You just reached out and saved him.

That’s who You are, Lord.

You’re not waiting for me to be perfect. You’re just waiting for me to trust You.

So tomorrow, I’m going to my best to wake up and remind myself: God’s got this.

Faith on Display: Is It Meant to Be Shared?

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

Last night I sat in the corner booth of a cute little mom and pop coffee shop with my Bible open, my journal beside me, and a peppermint tea in hand—just like every Wednesday pretty much. But something about last night felt… different. Not in a dramatic or supernatural way, just a subtle stirring in my spirit that I couldn’t ignore.

There was a girl sitting two tables down. She looked about my age, maybe a little younger. Alone. Earbuds in, but she wasn’t really focused on her phone. She glanced at my Bible more than once. Not judging—more like curious.

I felt this nudge in my spirit—one I’ve felt before and honestly, too often ignored.

“Say something. Smile. Ask her if she wants to talk or pray.”

But I didn’t.

I froze. I told myself, “Maybe she doesn’t want to be bothered,” or “She probably thinks I’m weird.” And then, like a coward, I packed up and left early.

God, I’m sorry. Truly.

I’ve been thinking about this question for weeks now: Is my faith meant to be shared? And the answer is always yes. A loud, resounding yes. But I still hesitate.

Why?

I guess I don’t want to come off as “that girl”—the one who forces faith into every conversation. But then again… why shouldn’t I be that girl if I truly believe this is life-saving truth?

Romans 1:16 says, “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes.”

Am I ashamed? I don’t think so. But maybe I act like I am sometimes. That hurts to write out.

When I really sit with the thought, I think I’m more afraid of rejection than I am of disobedience. That’s heavy.

But Jesus never called us to comfort. He said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).

Denying myself includes denying that fear. That worry about awkwardness. That instinct to self-protect.

I think about the early church—how they risked everything to share the gospel. Not just reputation, but their very lives. And me? I can’t even risk an awkward moment in a coffee shop?

Lord, forgive me for my silence.

I remember reading 1 Peter 3:15—“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” But it doesn’t stop there. It says to do this “with gentleness and respect.”

So maybe it’s not about being loud or invasive. It’s about being available. Present. Willing.

What would it look like if I made it a point to be more intentional? Not to push Jesus on people, but to present Him—in how I speak, how I love, how I show up in everyday moments?

Honestly, it’s easy to talk about Jesus when I’m with other Christians. At church, youth group, Bible study—we’re all speaking the same language. But outside those circles, I shrink. And that’s something I desperately want to change.

I don’t want a compartmentalized faith.

I want a faith that overflows. One that people can see and feel, even without a word—but especially with one.

Jesus said in Matthew 5:14-16:
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden… let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

What good is a light if I’m constantly hiding it under the weight of my own insecurity?

I don’t have all the answers. I’m still figuring out what it looks like to live a bold faith in a quiet, unassuming world. But I know this: I don’t want to live a life that keeps Jesus a secret.

So tonight, I’m praying this prayer.

A Prayer for Boldness and Compassion

Father,
You see every part of me—the parts that want to shout Your name from the rooftops, and the parts that whisper when I should speak boldly. I thank You that You’re patient with me. That You don’t condemn me for my hesitations, but gently invite me deeper.

Lord, give me courage. Not the kind the world gives, but the holy, Spirit-filled kind that can only come from You. The courage to speak when it’s uncomfortable. To offer a word, a smile, a prayer—even when I don’t know how it will be received.

Let me never be ashamed of the Gospel, because I know it’s the power of salvation. Remind me that sharing You isn’t about perfection or performance—it’s about love. Help me love people enough to risk my own pride.

And Lord, make me sensitive. Let me listen well. Let me follow Your nudges. Let me be a light—not a spotlight, not a floodlight—just a gentle, warm flame that points to You.

I surrender my fear, my image, my comfort. Use me, Lord. Not someday. Not when I feel ready. But now.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

So that’s where I was last night. A mix of conviction, hope, and longing. I don’t want to be silent anymore. My faith isn’t just mine—it’s a gift meant to be shared.

Next Wednesday, I’ll go back to that same coffee shop. Maybe she’ll be there again. Maybe she won’t. But either way, I’ll be ready this time.

And even if I’m not, God will be.