I’m sitting here, frustrated. There’s a weight on my chest, and it’s not physical—it’s this nagging, suffocating feeling that keeps telling me I’m not doing enough. I don’t know if it’s the pressure of expectations from the world or from within the church, but I feel so conflicted about giving. It’s one of those things that should come easy, right? After all, God gave everything for us. Jesus left His throne in heaven to come and die for us so that we could have eternal life. And yet, when it comes to giving of my finances, I still feel this heavy reluctance, like I’m holding on to something I don’t want to let go of.
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But here’s the thing: I know I’m supposed to give. I know God calls me to. And I can hear the voices, the Bible verses in my head, telling me to give generously, joyfully, and sacrificially. I know God says, “For God loves a cheerful giver” (2 Corinthians 9:7). I’ve read that verse a million times. But I’m not always cheerful about it. I don’t always feel joy when I write that check or click that donation link online. And maybe that’s where the real struggle lies: it’s not about the act of giving, but the condition of my heart in those moments. Because, if I’m honest, I don’t always feel like I’m doing it for the right reasons. It’s not always worshipful. Sometimes it feels like an obligation, a box to check off my Christian to-do list. And that bothers me. A lot.
I think I’ve been going about it all wrong. Maybe it’s because I’m still so wrapped up in the idea of money, of what I have and how much I have. I’m not rolling in cash. I’m living paycheck to paycheck, and the bills don’t stop coming. There’s this deep-rooted fear inside me that if I give too much, I won’t have enough left for myself. It’s like I’m clinging to what little security I have left, as if God won’t actually provide for me the way He promises He will.
But, when I read passages like Philippians 4:19, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus,” I feel so convicted. I know God will provide for me. If I just trust Him. If I give freely and generously, without worrying about whether or not I’ll have enough left. After all, He has already given me everything. He gave me His son. Jesus, who became poor for my sake, who endured the cross for me. In light of that, what is my small sacrifice, really?
But I’ll admit, I feel a little angry when I think about it too. It’s like I’m doing this internal battle between my flesh and my spirit. My flesh says, “Don’t be so foolish. You’re barely making ends meet. What are you going to do when that unexpected expense hits?” And my spirit says, “But remember what Jesus did for you. Don’t you trust Him to take care of you? Don’t you believe that He will provide, just like He says He will?”
It feels like the world tells me to hold on tight to what I have, to be “smart” and “practical,” to “look out for number one.” But that’s not what the Bible says. The Bible says to give generously, to trust God with your finances, and to do it joyfully because, honestly, He doesn’t need my money. He doesn’t need anything from me. But He’s giving me the opportunity to partner with Him in this. To worship Him with my resources. It’s about the heart, not the amount.
I know this. I know this. But there’s a tension I can’t ignore. I want to obey God, but sometimes my fear wins. I find myself hesitating, and I get mad at myself for it. I know I should trust God more. I know that, if I really believed His promises, I wouldn’t have such a hard time. But it’s hard not to be afraid when you’re living paycheck to paycheck. Every dollar feels like it has to stretch further than it really does, and the idea of letting go of even a little bit of it feels like jumping off a cliff.
Jesus said in Matthew 6:24, “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” Well, if I’m honest, I think I’ve been serving money more than I’ve been serving God. It’s like I say I trust God, but then when it comes time to give, I second-guess Him. I hold back. I try to control things myself.
And that makes me so angry. Why can’t I just trust Him fully? Why does this feeling of inadequacy creep in, making me think I need to hold on to what I have for security? Why is it so hard to let go? I wish I could just give without thinking, without calculating every single bill and worrying about whether I’ll have enough.
The thing is, I know God will take care of me. I know He’s faithful. In the moments when I choose to trust Him, I see His faithfulness in my life. He’s always provided for me. He’s always made a way. So why am I still struggling with this? Why is it so hard to trust that God will use my small offering to do something big?
Maybe it’s because I’m too focused on what I can see. I’m looking at my bank account, my circumstances, and not seeing the bigger picture. In 2 Corinthians 8:9, Paul writes, “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich.” I think about that verse and how Jesus literally gave up everything for me. He became poor so that I could become rich in Him. And He’s asking me to do the same. To give of myself, to give of my resources, because I know He’s got me. It’s not about how much I give—it’s about the attitude of my heart. Am I giving out of love for Him, or out of obligation? Am I giving out of faith, or out of fear?
God, I need help with this. I’m sorry for my lack of trust. I’m sorry for holding on so tightly to the things You’ve blessed me with. Help me to be more generous, to give joyfully, to give because I love You and want to see Your kingdom advanced. I pray for a heart of generosity, not just with my finances, but with my time, my energy, my love. Help me to trust You more fully, to stop looking at the world’s version of security, and instead look to You as my Provider. You are my Shepherd, and I lack nothing.
Father, thank You for providing for me. Thank You for sending Your Son, Jesus, to take away my sin and to give me life abundantly. Help me to have a heart like Yours, full of love, full of generosity. I pray that You would help me see opportunities to give, and that You would give me joy in the process. Help me to trust that as I give, You will always provide for my needs. Thank You for the grace You’ve shown me. Let me show that grace to others.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
It’s hard. But I’m going to keep trying. Because if He can give everything for me, I can give what I have—no matter how little it may seem. I want my heart to be right. I want my giving to be worship. And I want to trust that God will provide—because He always does.
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