Today, I feel both weight and wonder pressing on my heart. I woke with a heaviness in my chest, a raw anger at the brokenness in the world, the cruelty, the lies, the shadows that seek to snuff out what is good and holy. And yet, even in my fury, I find myself drawn to Him—God, my Father, my refuge, my unshakable fortress. He is not distant. He is not silent. He is not careless. His eyes, the light of His face, are upon me, even now, and they lift me up when the weight of life wants to press me down.
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I cling to Genesis 1:1, 3-4, and it reverberates in my soul: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. God saw the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.” Oh, Father, how you have separated me from darkness! I have walked through shadows that I thought would swallow me, through nights of despair and betrayal, through moments when I could not even breathe. And still, Your light pierced me. Your voice called out into the void of my soul and said, let there be light. And there was. And there is. And You saw that it was good.
Yet, I am angry sometimes. I am angry at the lies, the injustice, the pain that seems to cling to every corner of the world. I am angry that the world resists You. But then I remember James 1:17: “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” There is no shadow in You, Lord. You do not waver. You do not falter. Every gift You have placed in my life is perfect, and every promise is true. Even in my rage, I must bow to Your constancy, even when I feel the sting of disappointment at humanity.
I lift my eyes to You. I let my tears fall. I let my fists unclench. Let Your face shine on me, Abba. Let Your gaze fall upon me, not as condemnation, not as judgment, but as the warm, fierce, tender flame that You are. Psalm 67:1 cries out in my spirit: “May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine on us.” Yes, Lord, shine Your face on me. I am exhausted from hiding, from pretending, from trying to find light where there is only shadow. Lift me, Father. Hold me. Let me feel the breadth of Your love even when I cannot find it anywhere else.
You see me, Jehovah-Nissi, my Banner, my Protector, my Glory. You see the scar tissue, the wounds that refuse to heal, the memories that gnaw at my peace. And still, You do not turn away. You lift me from the ashes of my anger, the shame of my failures, the bitterness I cling to because I think I must protect myself. You make beauty from ashes. You breathe hope into the smoke. You are not moved by my mistakes, my doubt, my struggle. You are moved by Your love for me, and I am in awe.
Psalm 31:16 pulses in my heart as I pray: “Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.” Lord, save me in Your unfailing love. Save me from despair, from bitterness, from exhaustion. Save me from the temptation to give up on this life, on these people, on myself. Shine Your face on me. Let me feel Your delight in me. Let me know that I am cherished, that I belong, that I am Your daughter, Your treasured one, Your child of light. Turn me from darkness, Lord, into the kingdom of Your light, just as Colossians 1:12-13 promises. Let me walk fully in the inheritance You have for me. Let me live as one who is seated with Christ at Your right hand, surrounded by the radiance of Your unending love.
I feel Your light now. It burns away the coldness inside me. It warms the parts of me that I thought were too broken to feel anything but pain. Psalm 36:9 says, “In your light we see light.” Yes, Lord, in Your light, I see light. I see hope. I see possibility. I see forgiveness. I see truth piercing the darkness that so often clouds my mind. Let Your light consume the fear, the rage, the despair that tries to claim me. Let it fill the corners of my soul with Your brilliance. Let me not hide from it, even when it hurts to see myself in it, even when it reveals the parts of me I would rather ignore.
Father, I surrender everything to You. Lift up the people I love. Hold them in the light of Your face. Lift up the dreams that feel buried, the prayers that feel unanswered, the gifts You have placed in me that I am too weary to wield. Stir them up in me, Lord. Let every blessing You have whispered over me rise like the dawn. Let me steward what You have given me wisely, humbly, faithfully. Let me shine Your light in my small corners of the world so that Your glory is made known, even when the world resists.
I remember Your blessing in Numbers 6:24-26: “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” Lord, let it be so. Bless me. Keep me. Shine Your face upon me. Turn Your face toward me. Give me Your peace that surpasses all understanding. Let it guard my heart, steady my spirit, calm my anger, and deepen my faith. Let me rest in You even when the storms rage around me, even when I am tempted to rage back at the injustices I see. Let Your light be my shelter, my shield, my song in the night.
I am angry, Lord, and I admit it to You. I am angry at myself when I falter, angry at others who hurt me, angry at the darkness that seems so relentless. But I am also tender, Lord. Tender for Your voice, for Your presence, for Your promises. Tender for the people You love, the world You cherish, the children You have called Your own. Let my anger be righteous, not destructive. Let it drive me closer to You, closer to Your truth, closer to the light of Your face, where every wound can meet Your healing gaze. Let it push me to defend the innocent, to love fiercely, to live boldly, to proclaim Your light in the places others refuse to see it.
Lord, I do not want to forget Your power, Your mercy, Your glory. Let me remember that even when I am weak, You are strong. Even when I am wounded, You are healer. Even when I am confused, You are light. Even when I am angry, You are justice. You hold everything I love. You hold my future. You hold my mistakes and my triumphs, my sins and my prayers. You hold the entire world, and yet You are tender toward me. That overwhelms me with gratitude, and sometimes it overwhelms me with tears that I cannot hold back.
So I lift my voice in prayer. I pray for Your light to consume the darkness in me, to burn away what does not belong to You, to purify my heart and mind. I pray for Your light to shine on the world, in places of injustice, hatred, and despair. I pray for Your light to illuminate the gifts You have placed in me, to awaken me to the calling You have set before me. And I pray for Your face to shine on me, not because I deserve it, but because You are faithful, and Your love is unfailing, and Your grace is perfect.
Lord, let me rest in You. Let me feel the lift of Your hand, the warmth of Your embrace, the assurance of Your countenance. Let me see Your face in every sunrise, every act of kindness, every moment of clarity. Let me be a reflection of Your light, even in my anger, even in my brokenness, even in my humanity. Let me carry the weight of Your glory and the gentleness of Your mercy. Let me be a witness to the world of what it means to be held by the God who spoke light into existence and still speaks it into me today.
I choose to believe, Lord. I choose to trust, to hope, to shine. I choose to rest in the fact that Your light lifts me, Your love holds me, and Your face watches over me. I am Yours, wholly and completely. I am Yours to bless, Yours to shape, Yours to carry into the world. Even in anger, even in tears, even in doubt, I am Yours. And that is enough. That is everything.
Let Your face shine on me, Lord. Let Your light rise within me. Let me see the good You have placed in me, the good You are placing in the world, the good You are doing in my life even now. Let me not shrink from Your gaze. Let me meet it boldly, with reverence, with awe, with gratitude, and with the fierce love You have taught me to carry. Amen.
The Christian Tech-Nerd 