Tag: spiritual growth

Sacred Echo: Listening to Heaven’s Heartbeat

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

I went to bed last night asking God to show me more of His heart. I know I say I want to know Him more, but how often do I really press in for His sake, not just for what He can do for me?

This morning, while journaling, I wrote:


“God, I want to know You—not just know about You. I want to understand what breaks Your heart and what makes You smile.”

It hit me hard: I say I love Him, but how often do I actually seek to understand Him, not just myself through Him?

Most people walk around so desperate to be seen, known, and loved. I get it. I’ve been there. I still have those days. But then I remember—this ache to be known is actually something we inherited from God Himself.

Genesis 1:27 reminds me, “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”

If I bear His image, then it makes sense that the ache in me to be known is actually a glimpse into how God longs to be known.
I’m created with that desire because He has it first.

Sometimes I look around at Christians and ponder… how are we so satisfied with just Sunday morning services, small groups, and bumper-sticker theology?

We memorize verses like Isaiah 55:9—“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts”—and then use that as an excuse to not even try to know God’s heart.

But that’s lazy. And let’s be honest, it’s prideful. Because we want a god that fits in a sermon series or a devotional plan. But the real God? He’s infinite. And if we don’t dig deeper, we’ll stay infants in our faith, knowing about Him but never knowing Him.

I’ve been praying over Jeremiah 29:13 lately.
“You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.”

It doesn’t say, “when you scroll Christian TikTok for an hour” or “when you listen to worship music passively.” It says, “with all your heart.”

ALL. Not a part. Not when it’s convenient.
That one verse alone has been wrecking me.

So today I turned off my phone. Sat with my Bible. Prayed in honesty. Not performance. Not pretty words. Just raw. Just real. Just me.

I told God, “I want to know Your heart. I want to know what makes You weep and what makes You rejoice. I want to love what You love and hate what You hate—even when it costs me popularity, even when it separates me from shallow Christianity.”

And He met me. Not in thunder or lightning. Just in quiet. In peace.

I read about Jesus weeping at Lazarus’ tomb—not because He was powerless, but because He feels deeply. He didn’t rush past the pain. He sat in it. That’s the heart of God.

I read about the woman at the well. About Peter’s restoration. About God’s justice in the prophets. About His mercy in the Psalms.

And slowly, I started to feel like I wasn’t just reading about God—I was sitting with Him. Like a friend. Like someone worth knowing deeply.

If we want to know God’s heart, we have to move past religion and step into relationship.

Yes, God is holy. Yes, His thoughts are higher. But He’s also Emmanuel. God with us. He stepped down to make Himself knowable. Jesus came not just to save us, but to show us what the Father is like.

John 14:9—“Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father.”

So if I want to know the heart of God, I need to look at Jesus. His compassion. His fire. His correction. His mercy. His truth.

And if I’m not willing to carry all of that—not just the feel-good parts—then do I really want to know Him? Or do I just want a version of Him that fits my comfort?

Tonight, I’m ending with a prayer:

Father, reveal Your heart to me. Not the filtered version. Not the Instagram caption version. I want the real You. The One who weeps over sin, who rejoices in truth, who loves with fire in His eyes and scars in His hands. Teach me to walk with You, not ahead or behind, but right beside You. I don’t just want Your blessings. I want Your heart. I want to be a woman who makes Heaven smile. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

“I am Jesus…now get up and go… “

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

Recently something shifted in my spirit. It was quiet—no thunder, no lightning—but it was undeniably God. He interrupted my comfort, my silence, my prayer… with five words that feel like fire under my skin:

“I am Jesus… now get up and go.” (Acts 9:5 AMP)

I don’t even know where to begin, Lord. You’ve been pressing that verse on my heart all week. It’s been waking me up at 3AM. I’ve read it before, studied it, even quoted it. But this time it wasn’t just a story about Saul on the road to Damascus. This time, it was personal. Like… it was me lying there, blind, wrecked by Your holiness, trembling in the dust.

God, You called Saul by name. You stopped him mid-mission and gave him a brand new one. And You didn’t even explain everything right away. You just told him to “get up and go into the city”—and he obeyed, even though he couldn’t see.

Why does obedience feel so risky sometimes?
Why is comfort so seductive when calling is so clear?

I sat in my room tonight with worship music playing, tears falling down my face, Bible in my lap… feeling You. Feeling You so close I didn’t want to move. That mountain top moment—you were there, like You were with Peter, James, and John when You transfigured before them.

But like them, I have to come back down.

The mountaintop is beautiful, Jesus. I love the clarity, the closeness, the holy hush of it all. But the valley is where the work is. And You didn’t save me so I could sit. You saved me so I could serve. You called me not just to be comforted but to carry something—Your truth, Your gospel, Your name.

God, I’m scared sometimes. I won’t lie.

There are days I feel like Saul—wrecked, confused, unqualified. I’ve messed up. I’ve doubted. I’ve let my fear speak louder than my faith. I’ve avoided people You sent me to love. I’ve chosen silence over truth. I’ve sat in the rocking chair of comfort when You were saying, “Get up and go.”

But tonight You shook me.

You reminded me: You don’t call the qualified, You qualify the called.
And I am called.

Just like You told Saul, You’re telling me:

“I am Jesus…”
That’s it. That’s the authority. That’s the reason. That’s all I need to hear.
Not explanations. Not blueprints.
Just You.

You don’t owe me clarity. You’ve already given me the cross. That should be enough.

God, I don’t want to just talk about You—I want to walk with You. I want to move when You say move, even if I’m trembling. Even if I’m blind to what’s next.

I want to obey You without delay.

I’m done waiting for the “right moment.”
You are the moment.

I’m done acting like faith is a feeling.
Faith is movement. Faith is steps. Faith is getting up and going when You say so.

Jesus…
My Jesus.
I kneel in this quiet moment knowing You’re calling me higher and deeper. I know this fire in my chest isn’t hype, it’s Holy Spirit conviction. Don’t let me sit here any longer, playing it safe, praying for signs, waiting for ease. Let me trust You like Saul did. Let me get up blind but bold, broken but obedient.

Forgive me for loving comfort more than calling.
Forgive me for hoarding the mountaintop when You’ve called me to the mission field.

Fill me with courage, God.
Let me be a woman of action, not just emotion.
Let me carry Your name, even when it costs me mine.

Give me eyes to see the hurting, hands to heal, and a voice that doesn’t shrink back from the truth.
Let me not just be changed by You—let me be used by You.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

Scriptures I’m Holding On To Tonight:

Acts 9:5 (AMP) – And Saul said, “Who are You, Lord?” And He answered, “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting.
Matthew 17:1-9 – The transfiguration – “It is good for us to be here…”
Isaiah 6:8 – “Here I am. Send me!”
Luke 9:23 – “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.”
2 Timothy 1:7 – “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

I know tomorrow I’ll have to step back into hard places, hard conversations, and hard obedience. But tonight I’ve been reminded: He is Jesus. That’s enough.

So I will get up and go.

Not perfectly. Not always confidently.
But always with Him.

Obedience: The True Mark of Christian Discipleship

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

Today, I’m writing this with trembling hands and a heavy heart—not out of fear, but with the kind of spiritual weight that comes when God stirs something deep in your soul. I feel like the Holy Spirit won’t let me move forward until I sit with this truth: obedience is not occasional. It’s a lifestyle. A commitment.

I don’t want to sugarcoat anything. I’m not here to play Christian dress-up or quote Scripture when it feels convenient. I’m here to live it, breathe it, suffer for it if I have to. And lately, God has been confronting me about what I really mean when I say, “Jesus is Lord of my life.”

Because if I truly believe that, how dare I reserve the right to say “yes, but not right now” or “yes, but not in front of them” or “yes, as long as it doesn’t cost me comfort, reputation, or connection.” Who am I kidding?

Luke 6:46 says: “Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I say?”

That verse pierced through me today like a sword. It’s Jesus asking a question most of us dodge with spiritual fluff. We love the idea of Him being our Savior—our Provider, our Comforter, our Deliverer. But our Lord? That’s where we hesitate.

And the truth is, Lordship means ownership.

If He owns me—my body, my choices, my time, my future—then obedience is not optional. It’s expected. Not from a place of fear or pressure, but love and honor.

I think of Hebrews 13:5, where God says, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”
That’s not a cute quote for a coffee mug. That’s a promise to carry with us when obedience leaves us standing alone. When saying “yes” to God means losing relationships. When obedience costs us popularity, stability, or dreams we once held dear.

And He will ask us to surrender things we value.

Why? Because He’s cruel? No. Because He’s holy. And we can’t carry our idols and His glory at the same time. It’s one or the other.

I’ve had to wrestle with this personally. God recently asked me to walk away from a situation that wasn’t sinful in the eyes of the world—but it was disobedient in the eyes of God. I knew it. Deep down, I knew I had to walk away.

But do you know how hard it is to obey God when everyone around you is choosing convenience over conviction?

That’s when Romans 8:28 anchored me: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

All things. Even heartbreak. Even loneliness. Even the messes that come from doing the right thing.

Sometimes, obedience looks like closing doors you prayed would stay open. Sometimes, it’s deleting the text, walking away from the friend group, or speaking up when silence would be safer. Sometimes, it’s trusting God with your reputation when the world calls you “too intense” or “too Christian.”

But what does too Christian even mean? Last I checked, Christ didn’t go halfway to the Cross.

That’s why I can’t be halfway with Him.

Here’s the thing: partial obedience is still disobedience. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Conditional obedience is disobedience.

We don’t get to pick and choose. It’s either all in, or we’re playing church.

And I’m done playing church.

I’m done saying, “God, I’ll obey if…” or “I’ll obey when…” I want to be found faithful even when it’s dark, even when I’m scared, even when the outcome is unclear.

I want to be the kind of woman who obeys God with tears streaming down her face, with shaky hands and a surrendered heart, trusting that His way is better—even when it breaks mine.

1 Samuel 15:22 says, “To obey is better than sacrifice.”
God isn’t impressed by how many Bible studies I attend, or how eloquently I can talk about faith. He’s looking at the posture of my heart. Am I willing to obey Him when no one’s clapping, when it’s inconvenient, when it costs me everything?

Because that’s when obedience becomes real.

Jesus said in John 14:15, “If you love me, keep my commandments.”

This isn’t about legalism. It’s about love.

I obey because I love Him. I love Him more than my comfort. More than my image. More than my timeline or dreams.

And tonight, I want to say this out loud as a prayer:


Lord, forgive me for the times I’ve obeyed selectively. For the moments I negotiated with You as if You owe me options. You are not a consultant; You are King. Help me to walk in radical obedience—even when it’s uncomfortable. Even when it costs me everything I thought I needed. I trust that what You ask of me is always for my good, even if I can’t see it yet. Make me the kind of woman who follows You without compromise. I want to live for Your glory, not my gain. In Jesus’ name, amen.

So here I am. A 25-year-old woman who doesn’t have it all figured out, but knows one thing for sure:

I’d rather be rejected by the world in obedience to God than accepted by the world in rebellion against Him.

And if obedience means I walk alone sometimes, I’ll still choose it.

Because I am committed.

Not halfway. Not occasionally. But fully, completely, and passionately—

Even when it hurts.


Anxious Thoughts, Anchored in Christian Faith

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

Tonight, Friday, I had one of those conversations that lingers long after the words have left the air. You know the kind — where someone says something so casually, but it hits a deep nerve because you know there’s truth behind it, even if it’s not the truth that should lead.

My friend looked at me and said, “Sometimes you just can’t help it. Worry is just… part of life.”

And I get it. I do. I’ve been there. I am there.

Bills. Future. Relationships. Health. The “what ifs” that creep in when you’re brushing your teeth or folding laundry. It feels almost irresponsible not to worry sometimes, doesn’t it? Like worry is our way of preparing or protecting ourselves. Like if we don’t think through every possible bad scenario, we’re being naive.

But here’s the problem. That mindset doesn’t align with what God says. At all.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything: tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank Him for His answers.” — Philippians 4:6 (TLB)

That’s literally a command. Don’t worry. Not about some things. Not about most things. About anything.

I wanted to tell my friend right then and there — with love but also firmness — “Sis, that’s a lie straight from the pit. Worry might feel natural, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. And it sure doesn’t mean it’s godly.”

Because here’s the thing: God doesn’t give us a standard without a solution. He’s not cold or distant. He doesn’t just throw “Don’t worry” at us and leave us alone with our anxious minds. He gives us a whole formula.

Let me break it down again for myself — because girl, I need this tattooed on my heart:

Step 1: Pray about everything.
If it matters to me, it matters to Him. Whether it’s the results of a biopsy or just the fact that I’m scared I’ll be single forever… He cares. So I have to open my mouth and speak. Not stress in silence. PRAY.

Step 2: Tell God your needs.
Don’t just beg. Be honest. Be specific. It’s okay to say, “Lord, I need clarity. I need strength. I need provision. I need peace.” This is not a burden to Him. This is relationship.

Step 3: Thank Him for His answers.
This one is the hardest when anxiety clouds my view. But God calls me to thank Him before I see the result. To say “Thank You” while the bank account is still low, while the test results are still pending, while the future is still blurry. That’s faith. That’s surrender.

And THEN… comes the promise. And this part blows my mind every time I read it.

“If you do this you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:7 (TLB)

God’s peace isn’t logical. It’s not based on the situation improving. It’s based on HIM.

I’ve tasted that peace before — in moments when everything around me screamed panic, and yet inside, I was still. Not because I had it all figured out, but because I knew He did.

Tonight, I’m choosing that peace again.

I’m laying my anxious thoughts before God. The ones about where I’ll be next year. The ones about whether my life is measuring up to some invisible Christian-woman standard. The ones about how people perceive me — if they think I’m “too much,” too serious, too spiritual, too opinionated. I give it all to the One who made me and already knows how my story ends.

Father God,
You said not to worry. And I confess that I do. I’ve let anxiety become my default setting, and I’ve excused it as just being “realistic.” But You’ve called me to something higher — to trust, to pray, to thank You even when the answer hasn’t arrived yet.

So I bring it all to You. Every fear. Every need. Every unknown. You are my anchor, and You are steady. I believe that as I trust You, You are already working behind the scenes.

Teach me to trust more and fear less. Let Your peace, the peace that confuses the world, flood my mind and heart tonight. Quiet every racing thought. Speak louder than my fears.

In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.

It still amazes me,how countercultural this gospel is. The world says, “Worry is normal. Anxiety is part of life.” But God says, “Not for My child.”

And while I still feel things deeply — I’m a feeler through and through — I no longer let my emotions rule me. I choose faith. I choose obedience. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

I’m not passive about this anymore. I’m not soft about worry. I fight it. I confront it. Not just for me, but for every sister watching me walk this journey.

Because if God says peace is possible, I’m going to live like it’s true.

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Morning Prayers to Ignite Your Faith: Start Each Day with God

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

(ME JUST WAKING UP AND READY TO START THE MORNING WITH PRAYER)

People talk a lot about “morning routines.” Skincare. Journaling. Gym. Protein smoothies. But if Jesus isn’t the first voice I hear and the first presence I seek, I’ve already missed the point of being alive today. I’m not trying to be dramatic — just honest. I’ve been through too much to fake my faith now. The only reason I’ve made it this far is because God held me when no one else even noticed I was falling.

So here I am, writing this out, partly to remember and partly to remind anyone who reads this — if you want power, peace, and purpose in your day, start it with God. Not Instagram. Not the news. Not your anxiety. Go to the throne, not your phone.

Here are the 10 morning prayers I’ve been leaning on. Some days I whisper them with tears, other days I shout them like war cries. But every day, I mean them.

🙏 1. Prayer for Presence

Lord, before I even touch my phone or plan my day, I want You. Be the first voice I hear. Fill this room, fill my heart, and remind me that You are with me. I don’t want to do a single thing without You. Amen.

Some mornings I wake up and I already feel behind — like life’s sprinting and I’m crawling. But His presence stills me. No rush. No panic. Just Him.

🙏 2. Prayer for Gratitude

Jesus, thank You for this day — this breath, this beating heart, this new mercy. Even if everything else feels broken, the fact that I woke up means You’re not done with me yet. Thank You. Amen.

I used to only thank Him when I felt blessed. Now I thank Him even when it hurts. That’s maturity — praising God with a cracked voice.

🙏 3. Prayer for Boldness

Father, make me bold. Not arrogant, not loud — but boldly obedient. Help me speak truth even when it costs me. Help me love when it’s not convenient. Make me brave for You. Amen.

Some people call me “too much.” But if I’m too much for them while I’m following Jesus, then maybe they’re not walking with the same Jesus.

🙏 4. Prayer for Wisdom

Holy Spirit, guide my decisions today. Don’t let me lean on my own understanding. Lead me in every conversation, every step. I don’t want to just be busy — I want to be in alignment. Amen.

I’ve made dumb choices when I didn’t wait for God’s voice. Now I know — wisdom is more than smarts. It’s surrender.

🙏 5. Prayer for Peace

Prince of Peace, calm the storms in my soul. Quiet the voices of fear, regret, and insecurity. Anchor me in Your truth. I choose peace over panic today. Amen.

My peace doesn’t come from circumstances — it comes from knowing who’s in control. And it’s not me. Praise God for that.

🙏 6. Prayer for Purpose

God, use me today. I don’t want to just exist — I want to live on mission. Show me who needs love, who needs truth, who needs hope. Send me. Amen.

Every day has eternal value. If I’m breathing, I’m called. Period.

🙏 7. Prayer for Protection

Lord, protect my mind, my body, my heart. Guard me from temptation, from distraction, from harm. Send angels around me. I plead the blood of Jesus over this day. Amen.

I don’t play with spiritual warfare. The devil’s real — but so is my Defender.

🙏 8. Prayer for Forgiveness

Jesus, forgive me for the ways I’ve fallen short — yesterday, last week, even this morning. Wash me clean. I receive Your grace. I refuse to walk in shame. Amen.

I’ve messed up. A lot. But God’s grace keeps chasing me down. Every day, He still says, “Come home.”

🙏 9. Prayer for Joy

Father, fill me with joy today — real, holy joy that doesn’t depend on what happens. Remind me that I am loved, chosen, and held by You. Let joy be my strength. Amen.

Joy is a weapon. It’s how I fight back against depression, discouragement, and despair.

🙏 10. Prayer for Revival

God, wake me up. Wake up Your church. Let revival start in my heart today. Set me on fire for You. I don’t want lukewarm faith. I want You — fully, fiercely, forever. Amen.

We don’t need more comfort. We need fire. The world is dying while we sleep in. God, forgive us. Shake us.

I don’t care if people think I’m “too Christian.” I’m not living for their approval. I’m living for the God who saved me, healed me, and gave me a reason to breathe again.

If someone’s reading this looking for a sign — this is it. Start your morning with Jesus. Open your Bible before your apps. Talk to God before anyone else. Don’t wait until life falls apart to get desperate. Be desperate now.

And to my future self: don’t forget this. The days you feel closest to God are the ones you started with Him. Stay anchored. Stay hungry. Stay faithful.

Footprints of Faith: Following Jesus Every Day

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

Lord,

Today I feel like I’m standing still in the middle of a world sprinting in every direction. The noise, the expectations, the pull of my own thoughts—it’s exhausting. But You whispered something to my heart today. Something that anchored me:

“This journey of life was never meant to be traveled alone.”

You didn’t just save me to send me off. You saved me to walk with me.

Sometimes I forget that, Jesus. I know it in my head, but I don’t always live like I know it in my heart. Life gets loud, people get messy, and the days run together like spilled paint. But Your Word reminds me:

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, and He delights in his way.” – Psalm 37:23

You delight in my way. You don’t just tolerate my existence or sigh every time I mess up. You actually delight in walking beside me. That floors me.

Why do I so easily forget that You’re right here?

I was reading this morning in Isaiah, and this verse stood out like a flare:

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.” – Isaiah 43:2

You never promised I’d avoid the waters—you just promised I wouldn’t drown. And honestly, lately, it’s felt like I’ve been wading through an ocean of unknowns. But You’re still here, walking beside me, even when I can’t see through the waves.

Jesus, the more I walk with You, the more I realize how much I need to walk in awe of You. Not just in obedience. Not just in routine. But in absolute reverence. The kind of reverence that makes me put my phone down, step away from distractions, and just be with You.

I know the world doesn’t celebrate walking slowly, intentionally, or sacredly. But I do. Or at least I want to.

This walk with You—it’s not always easy. You confront me. You lovingly correct me. You expose the parts of my heart I want to hide. But You do it with such gentleness, like a surgeon with healing hands.

You never humiliate me. You heal me.

And I’m starting to see how walking with You is the only path that actually changes me. Not religion. Not rules. Not even good works. Just You. Just Jesus.

“He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?” – Micah 6:8

I’m learning that “walking humbly” doesn’t mean shrinking back. It means staying close to You, knowing full well You’re the one holding my hand.

Jesus, can I be honest?

Sometimes I still want control. I still want to call the shots, make the decisions, and map out my future like I’m the creator of time itself. But I’m not. You are. And You’ve never once led me wrong.

It’s hard to surrender. It’s hard to let go. But I’m slowly realizing that walking with You means letting You lead—even when it doesn’t make sense.

You taught me this during my last job when everything crumbled. I was sure that position was my “calling.” But now, looking back, I see it was just a classroom. You were teaching me how to trust You when my identity isn’t propped up by titles.

Thank You for stripping that from me.

Yeah, I said it. I’m thankful for the stripping. Because it forced me to walk more closely with You.

This journey with You is less about where I go and more about who I become. And every step with You is shaping my character—refining me, stretching me, and anchoring me in something real.

So today, I’m asking You for more.

Not more stuff. Not more followers. Not more clarity.

But more of You.

Give me a deeper hunger for Your Word. Let it be the first place I run, not the last.

Give me a holy craving for Your presence—stronger than my desire for approval, comfort, or success.

And give me the boldness to confront the lies in myself and in others. Not to be self-righteous, but to be righteous. There’s a difference.

People need truth, Jesus. Real truth. Not watered-down, “cute” Christianity that doesn’t offend anyone. You didn’t die a brutal death just to make us comfortable.

You died to make us new.

So if I’m really walking with You, my life better start reflecting that.

God, help me not to just talk about You, but to actually walk with You.

Help me be the kind of woman who prays more than she posts.

The kind of woman who forgives quickly and loves fiercely.

The kind of woman who isn’t afraid to confront sin—in love—and call people into truth, not out of shame, but out of deep compassion.

And if anyone reading this (even if it’s just me re-reading it later) doesn’t know You yet, then let me just say this:

You can start walking with Jesus today.

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t need to clean yourself up first. You don’t need to have some spiritual resume or emotional perfection.

Just pray. Be real. Be honest. Jesus is listening.

Here’s the prayer that changed everything for me:

“Jesus, I believe You are who You say You are. I believe You are the Son of God, that You died for my sins and rose again. I surrender my life to You. I don’t want to walk alone anymore. I give You my past, my present, and my future. Come into my life and lead me every step of the way. Amen.”

That’s it. That’s the first step. And once you take it, He will walk with you.

He won’t promise the path will always be easy, but He will promise that you’ll never walk it alone.

So here I am, Jesus. Again. Choosing to walk with You—step by step, even when I can’t see the full path.

Thank You for never leaving my side. Thank You for being patient when I wander, and strong when I’m weak.

And thank You for growing me. Even when it hurts.

“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” – James 4:8

Today, I draw near.
Today, I walk with You.
Today, I choose the narrow road—because You’re on it.

And I’ll keep walking with You until I finally see You face to face.

Loving the Unlovable (Help Me God)

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

Dear Lord,

Some days I wonder why You allow certain people in my life — the ones who seem to make my spirit cringe, who mock what is sacred to me, or who just constantly seem… difficult. The ones I might never say it about out loud, but who I sometimes label in my heart as unlovable.

Tonight, I’m asking myself a question I’ve been avoiding:
If I refuse to love the unlovable… do I really love You?

That’s a hard thing to admit. But Your Word is direct, and You don’t allow me to sit comfortably in my “good intentions.” You ask for my whole heart — including the way I treat the people who test it the most.

Your Word in 1 John 4:20-21 pierced me again tonight:

“If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from Him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.”

God, I say I love You — and I mean it. I really do. My whole life is Yours. But if I’m being honest, there are people I’ve emotionally written off. I avoid them, criticize them in my mind, get irritated every time I see them or hear their voice. They don’t know You, and some even mock You openly — and it makes me feel awkward, angry, or even afraid.

But You didn’t give me permission to retreat from them.

You didn’t call me to love only when it’s easy.
You didn’t say, “Love your neighbor unless they disagree with you.”
You didn’t say, “Be kind only to those who understand you.”

You said:

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” – Matthew 5:44

You said:

“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” – Luke 6:36

You commanded me to love — not because they deserve it, but because You loved me first, undeservedly.

“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8

So Lord, how can I withhold love from someone else when You never withheld it from me?

I think what scares me is how much I still let my emotions lead. When someone offends me or behaves in a way that feels “godless,” I immediately feel this wall go up. I want to protect myself. I want to distance myself. But maybe You allow these people into my life not to torment me — but to transform me.

God, shape my heart into Yours.

Let me not be quick to take offense, but quick to offer grace.
Let me not retreat into silence, but speak with patience and wisdom.
Let me not feel superior, but humbled that I even know You at all.

Because the truth is, the only difference between me and someone who irritates or mocks or rejects You… is grace. That’s it. I didn’t earn it. I didn’t achieve salvation. I was rescued. And I want others to be rescued, too — even those who right now feel impossible to love.

Soften my heart, Lord.

Help me remember that people are not projects or problems — they are souls. Souls You formed. Souls You long to save. Even the rude ones. Even the loud ones. Even the dismissive, arrogant, or sarcastic ones.

“The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise… He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” – 2 Peter 3:9

If You are patient, how can I not be?

Lord, here is my prayer tonight:

Father,
Help me to love those who test me.
Help me to see them through Your eyes.
Not as obstacles in my day, but opportunities for grace.
Let my irritation become intercession.
Let my distance become compassion.
Let my judgments be replaced with prayers.

I surrender the “right” to be offended.
I surrender the tendency to retreat.
I surrender my pride that tells me I’m better.
I just want to love like Jesus.

Let my heart be soft but strong.
Let my words be gentle but rooted in truth.
Let me reflect You, not just when it’s easy — but especially when it’s not.
Amen.

Lord, loving the unlovable might be one of the greatest tests of true discipleship. You said people would know we are Yours not by how much we know, or how well we argue, or how holy we look — but by how we love.

“By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” – John 13:35

I want to be Your disciple. I want my life to bear the fruit of Your Spirit, not just when I’m alone with You, but in the tension of real relationships — in the messy, uncomfortable, unpredictable places.

Because honestly, that’s where Your love shines brightest — in the places where mine falls short.

I may never feel a natural affection for some people. That’s okay. You’re not asking for fake smiles or surface-level niceness. You’re asking for sacrificial love — a choice. An obedience. A heart posture that says, “I will love them because You love me. I will love them because You love them.”

It’s humbling, but I think that’s the point. The more I die to myself in these small, daily acts of love, the more I reflect the image of Christ.

So tomorrow, Lord, help me take one step closer to that kind of love.

Help me:

  • Speak kindly when I want to be silent.
  • Stay present when I want to walk away.
  • Pray instead of grumble.
  • Offer grace instead of sarcasm.
  • Remember that loving the unlovable is not weakness — it’s warfare.

Holy Spirit, fill me. I cannot do this on my own. I will burn out quickly without Your help. But with You, I can become more than just a “nice person” — I can become a light in darkness, a living testimony of Your mercy, and a vessel of Your love.

And maybe… just maybe… my love, flawed and growing as it is, might point someone toward You.

Let that be my legacy.
Not perfection.
Not popularity.
Just love.
Love rooted in You.

Trusting in God’s Delay: A Journey of Waiting

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

I’ve said it out loud a few times already this week, and today especially, by whispering it in my head more times than I can count, but waiting on God can be hard.

It’s not just hard — it’s exhausting, confusing, and sometimes even painful. I think today it hit me more than usual because I’ve been trying to keep it all together, to not let the heaviness of waiting seep into everything else I’m doing. But it’s there. Quiet, lingering, heavy.

I read Galatians 5:5 again this morning, and something about it gripped my heart in a fresh way:
“For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope.”

Through the Spirit. By faith. That’s it. That’s the key that I keep forgetting in all of this.

It’s not up to me to muster up the strength to wait with grace. It’s not about how “strong” I am or how long I can grit my teeth through stubborn family issues or unanswered prayers. The Holy Spirit enables me to wait. HE gives me the power to endure, to trust, and to stay grounded when everything in me just wants to fix things or run away from the tension.

Waiting is hard. But it’s also holy.

Today I thought a lot about my family — the situations that have been going on for years. The ones that never seem to budge. The same arguments. The same silence. The same hurt passed back and forth like it’s inherited. These are the places in my life where waiting feels the most unbearable. Not because I don’t believe God can move — I do — but because the wait has been so long, and I can’t see how it ends.

And yet…
Romans 8:25 says, “But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.”

I’m trying, Lord. Truly. I want to wait patiently. But sometimes I feel like I’m barely hanging on.

It’s strange how waiting has become its own form of spiritual training. Like God has invited me to sit in this invisible classroom where the Holy Spirit is the quiet Teacher, whispering truth to me when I want to scream, “Is it time yet?”

I keep being reminded that waiting isn’t wasted. Waiting is an invitation to stillness — to lean into His presence rather than constantly asking for His provision. It’s like He’s saying, “Be still, daughter. I’m working, even when you can’t see it.”

Stillness.
That word has taken on new meaning lately.

Stillness isn’t passive. It’s not “doing nothing.” It’s active surrender. It’s choosing not to run ahead of God, not to manipulate outcomes, not to pick up what I’ve already laid down at the altar a hundred times.

I want to be a woman who waits well — not because I have the strength on my own, but because the Spirit of God in me is doing the deep, refining work of shaping my character in the waiting. That’s where the transformation happens. Not after the miracle, but before, in the soil of patience, trust, and surrender.

Lord,
I don’t want to waste this wait.
Help me not just to survive it, but to let it sanctify me.
Help me to see You in the silence.
Help me to remember that Your timeline is good, even when mine is screaming, “Now!”

Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
I feel the Lord reminding me that “taking heart” is not ignoring how I feel — it’s choosing to trust Him through those feelings.

So tonight, here’s my honest prayer:

A Prayer While I Wait

Holy Spirit,
Thank You for dwelling within me — for being my Helper when I feel helpless. You see my heart, my struggles, my questions, and my tears. You know how deeply I long for restoration in my family, for peace that doesn’t feel forced, for healing that lasts. I lay all that before You again tonight. Not with clenched fists, but open hands. Because I’m learning that surrender doesn’t mean giving up — it means giving to You.

Jesus, be my strength in the wait. Teach me to lean on You, to grow in grace, and to draw near to You when everything around me feels stuck or silent. I don’t want to wait in bitterness. I want to wait in faith. Let this waiting not just shape my circumstances, but shape me into the woman You’ve called me to be — humble, patient, and full of Your Spirit.

Amen.

There’s something so comforting about the fact that Jesus waited too. He waited 30 years before He began His public ministry. He waited for God’s perfect timing. He didn’t rush ahead or try to impress people into believing who He was. He trusted.

And the more I reflect on that, the more I realize that waiting is deeply tied to trust.

If I say I trust God, then I also have to trust His timing — even when it feels unbearable. Even when it looks like nothing is changing. Even when people I love are stuck in cycles of dysfunction that I can’t rescue them from.

And the wild thing is… while I wait, He’s working.
Always.
Even in the silence.

Isaiah 64:4 says, “Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.”

That’s who He is. He acts on behalf of His children. He doesn’t forget us in the waiting room. He sits with us there.

Tonight, as I stare out my window and look up at the night sky, I’m reminded that the stars don’t scream for attention. They just shine. Quietly. Faithfully. Like they know the One who placed them is still watching over them.

Maybe that’s what waiting looks like too — shining quietly in the dark, holding onto faith, trusting that morning will come.

So, if this season is long — and it has been — I want to believe that it’s also full. Full of His grace. Full of His Spirit. Full of His nearness, even if I can’t always feel it.

I’m going to keep waiting. Not with frustration (though I may have days where I wrestle), but with hope.

Because through the Spirit, I eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which I hope.
Not by my strength.
Not by my emotions.
But by Him.

And that… that is enough.

Still waiting,
Still trusting,
Still His!

Is “Forgiveness” The Hardest Gift For Christians?

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

Over the past few months, forgiveness has been on my heart in a way that’s hard to explain. It’s like the Holy Spirit is gently pressing on that sore place I thought I had numbed with time. But maybe God doesn’t want time to heal this one. Maybe He wants truth and grace and surrender to do the healing.

Forgiveness—what a strange, holy word. It’s supposed to be freeing, right? But why does it feel like a prison sometimes? Why does giving forgiveness feel harder than asking for it?

I read 1 John 1:9 again today: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

That verse always humbles me. It reminds me that I’m no better than anyone I’m struggling to forgive. I’ve sinned too. I’ve broken promises, spoken in anger, judged others, been selfish. And yet, every single time I come back to Him—even when I crawl back all broken and ashamed—God forgives me. Not just partially. He forgives completely. He doesn’t say, “I forgive you but I won’t forget.” He says, “I will remember their sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12).

So if God, the only perfect One, can forgive me… who am I to withhold forgiveness from someone else?

But, oh, Lord… it’s still so hard.

I’ve always thought that justice felt fair, and it does in a worldly sense. It’s like my flesh wants people to pay for the hurt they’ve caused. But then, what about mercy? Mercy is not getting what we do deserve. And then there’s grace, which absolutely undoes me—grace is getting what we don’t deserve. And that’s what God gives every day.

I heard something this past Sunday that keeps ringing in my ears: “Grace is scandalous. It offends the part of us that wants everyone to earn their way. But Jesus paid so we don’t have to.” I want to live that way. I want to give people that kind of grace. But in moments when the wound is still raw, forgiveness doesn’t feel like a gift—it feels like a death. Like I’m laying down my right to be angry. And sometimes, I don’t want to let that go.

I was reading Matthew 6:14-15 today: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

Oof. That one always hits me in the gut.

We love to receive forgiveness, but giving it? That’s where the rubber meets the road. And yet, the Bible is so clear: it’s not optional. Forgiveness isn’t about saying what someone did was okay. It’s about letting God handle the justice part and freeing ourselves from bitterness. Because unforgiveness is a cage, and the longer we sit in it, the more it poisons us.

Lord, help me with this. I’m tired of holding on to things that You’ve told me to release.

Jesus, You forgave the very people who nailed You to the cross. You said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). If You could do that while bleeding, rejected, and mocked, how can I say that someone is unworthy of my forgiveness? Help me to forgive like You—fully, freely, even when it costs me something.

I think that’s the hardest part: forgiveness costs something. It costs pride. It costs comfort. It costs the illusion of control. And in return, we get peace—but not always instantly. Sometimes it’s a slow release. A decision we make over and over until our heart catches up.

Sometimes I wish God would make it easier. But maybe it’s not meant to be easy. Maybe forgiveness is supposed to stretch us until we look more like Jesus. Maybe it’s the sacred ground where healing begins.

Today, I remembered a time in college when someone I trusted deeply betrayed me. I thought I had let it go. I said the words. I prayed the prayers. But something in my heart still flinches when I think of them. I still want them to “get what’s coming.” But that’s not the way of the Kingdom, is it?

Romans 12:19 says: “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”

God is just. He sees. He knows. And He doesn’t need my help delivering justice.

Maybe that’s why forgiveness is so difficult. Because it requires trust. Trusting that God is who He says He is. That He won’t let evil go unanswered. That He truly works all things for good (Romans 8:28)—even betrayal, even heartbreak.

Father, I confess that sometimes I want to be judge, jury, and executioner. I want people to know how deeply they hurt me. But I surrender that desire to You. I lay down my right to be angry. I choose to forgive, not because they deserve it, but because You forgave me when I didn’t deserve it either.

I think about Peter asking Jesus how many times we have to forgive. “Up to seven times?” he asked. And Jesus replied, “Not seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:21-22). Not because people should keep hurting us—but because we’re called to live with hearts that are open and clean.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean there aren’t boundaries. It doesn’t mean we have to allow toxic people to stay in our lives unchecked. But it does mean we let go of the right to hate, to resent, to get even.

And that’s hard. Because bitterness can feel like power, can’t it? But in the end, it only weakens us. It robs us of joy. It distorts how we see God and people.

I want to be a woman who walks in freedom, not chained to old pain.

I want to be someone who can say, “Yes, it hurt—but God healed me, and I’ve released them into His hands.”

Lord, help me live that way.

You know what’s interesting? The more I meditate on what it cost You to forgive me, the easier it becomes to forgive others. I see the nails. I see the crown of thorns. I see the blood. I see the open arms. I see the empty grave.

And suddenly, that petty grudge doesn’t feel so worth holding onto.

I’m reminded of Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

That’s the standard. Not “forgive when it feels right.” Not “forgive if they apologize.” But forgive as Christ forgave us—freely, sacrificially, completely.

That’s the Gospel.

I’m so grateful that God doesn’t love me with conditions. That His mercy is new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). That He doesn’t define me by my worst moment.

So why should I define someone else by theirs?

Jesus, help me remember that You didn’t just die for my sins, but for the sins of those who’ve hurt me too. You love them just as much. And maybe, just maybe, my forgiveness could be the beginning of their healing too.

If I really believe in the power of the cross, then I have to live like it means something. I can’t be half-grace, half-grudge.

Forgiveness is messy. But so was Calvary.

And if God can bring resurrection out of that, He can certainly bring healing to my heart too.

Lord, give me the strength to forgive again. And again. And again. Until it no longer hurts. Until I no longer flinch. Until Your peace becomes my default. May I never forget what You’ve done for me, and may I reflect that same mercy to the world around me.

Forgiveness may be the hardest gift to give, but it’s also the most Christlike thing I’ll ever do.

I want to be more like Him.

Is Heaven Listening? The Power of Prayer is Real

Posted on by thechristiantechnerd

Tonight, my heart feels so full and so fragile all at once. The world outside my window is quiet—just the soft hum of the fan and the occasional chirp of a cricket. But inside me, it’s anything but quiet. I feel stirred. Not anxious exactly, just… aware. Aware that I need God more than ever, and somehow, even when I whisper the tiniest prayer, I know—really know—that Heaven is listening.

But some days I do wonder. I’m not proud of that, but it’s honest. Is Heaven listening? When my voice cracks under the weight of what I can’t even put into words, is God really hearing me? And more than that—does He care?

Tonight, I opened up to Psalm 34:17:

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles.”

I held onto that verse like it was oxygen. Because today I cried—not out loud, but in that quiet way where you hold your breath so no one hears, but your soul is screaming. I didn’t have the strength to pray long or with eloquence. All I could manage was: “Jesus, I need You.”

And that was enough.
It had to be enough.

Lately, prayer has felt less like a ritual and more like my lifeline. It’s not about pretty words anymore. I don’t even bother with formalities. I talk to Him like I’d talk to my best friend. Because He is.

He’s the only one who’s been with me through everything—the bad breakups, the confusion after college, the loneliness I didn’t expect at this age. Everyone told me life would feel more settled by 24, but honestly? It just feels like more questions, more pressure, more waiting.

But prayer reminds me I’m not waiting alone.

A Little Prayer Tonight:

Jesus, thank You for listening even when my words are few. Thank You for not being distant, even when I feel far away. Draw me back to You tonight. Remind me that my prayers are not in vain and that You’re doing something in the silence—even when I can’t see it. Amen.

I remember something my grandma used to say: “You don’t always need to hear from Heaven to know that Heaven hears you.” I never understood that until now. I think about the times I’ve prayed for things that didn’t happen the way I wanted—but somehow, it worked out better later. Maybe unanswered prayers are God’s mercy in disguise.

1 John 5:14 brings me comfort, especially on days like this:

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.”

I keep asking for clarity—about my future, about my purpose, about whether I’m doing this life right. But maybe what I need more is courage. The courage to keep praying even when the answers feel far away.

Earlier today, I journaled this prayer (before I even opened my Bible):

Lord, I don’t want to treat prayer like a last resort. I want it to be my first move. Even when I don’t see immediate results, remind me that You’re always working behind the scenes. Let me trust the process and trust Your heart, even when Your hand feels hidden.

When I think about prayer, I don’t just think about asking. I think about connecting. Like, deep soul-to-God connection. And that changes everything. It’s not about wish lists—it’s about presence. His presence. And when I feel that, even just a little, I’m okay again.

I think of Philippians 4:6-7 so often:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

That verse has literally carried me through panic attacks. I read it out loud when my heart races, and it’s like the Word itself becomes a balm over my chaos. I still struggle with fear sometimes, but prayer has become my shelter.

Tonight’s final prayer:

Abba, You are my refuge. When everything feels uncertain, Your love remains. Help me to not just pray out of desperation, but out of devotion. Remind me that every whispered prayer reaches You. That not one word falls to the ground. That You’re near. I surrender my need to understand, and I choose to trust that You are good, always. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

So, is Heaven listening?

Yes. I believe that with every fiber of my being—even on the days when I don’t feel it. Faith isn’t about always feeling—it’s about choosing to believe, even in the silence.

And tonight, I choose to believe. I choose to believe that the Power of Prayer is real. That my small, trembling voice matters to a big, powerful God. That my tears don’t go unnoticed. That even now—right now—Heaven is not just listening, but leaning in.

Goodnight, Jesus. I love You.
Thank You for loving me first.
More than anything else in this world, I belong to You.