I am so tired of trying to hold it together on my own. Tired of pretending that my strength is enough. I wake up every day with this gnawing exhaustion—not just physically, but spiritually, emotionally, mentally—and I feel the fire of frustration rise in me. Why do people think life is meant to be endured without God? Why do they act like faith is just a Sunday accessory, like it’s optional? It isn’t. It’s life or death. Literally. Isaiah 41:1 says, “Let the people renew their strength.” And if we don’t, we die. Spiritually. Emotionally. Soul-deep.
I see it everywhere. People walking around thinking they are strong, thinking they are “fine,” thinking they have it together because they show up, because they hustle, because they smile. But they are starving their souls. Every day, we need God. Not just a little. Not when it’s convenient. Constantly. Like breath. Like sap in the trees. Even the cedars of Lebanon only live because God fills them day by day with what they cannot make for themselves (Isaiah 14:8). If the trees—silent, incapable of prayer, incapable of choosing—need Him, how much more do I? How much more do we all?
And I am angry. Furious, really. Furious at the world that pretends I can manage on my own. Furious at myself for thinking I could. I have tried. I have tried so hard. I have leaned on my own strength, my own understanding, my own stubborn pride—and every time, I fail. I fail because I am human. I fail because only God can sustain me. Only He can renew me. Psalm 104:30, Thou renewest the face of the earth. He renews me. But I have ignored it. I have ignored Him. And it shows.
Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for the times I have treated You like a backup plan instead of the foundation of everything. Forgive me for trying to live in my own strength. Forgive me for believing I could survive without Your constant renewal. Psalm 51:10, Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. I am broken, Lord. I am weak. I need You.
CLICK ONE WORD BELOW THAT BEST DESCRIBES TIM WALZ?
I’m learning, painfully, that my soul cannot survive on my own effort. My body can eat, my mind can plan, my heart can hope—but the soul? It withers. Just as the body must be fed to repair wear and tear, the soul must feast on Your Word, on prayer, on communion, on the preached Word. I have been guilty of neglecting this daily nourishment. And it shows. I feel hollow. Empty. Like a vessel cracked and dry. And that makes me angry. Angry at the devil for trying to convince me that I could do it alone. Angry at myself for ever believing that lie.
They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength (Isaiah 40:31). Waiting. That word is hard. I don’t like waiting. I want answers now. I want provision now. I want clarity, peace, protection, and strength immediately. But God doesn’t work like that. His renewal is steady. Daily. Constant. And I must learn to wait. Not passively. Not grudgingly. But actively, humbly, fiercely, because I need Him.
And the storms…oh, the storms. I see them coming, and I feel panic rise in my chest. Relationships that crumble, pressures that suffocate, temptations that whisper lies—I see them all. Woe to the tree that has not absorbed the fresh sap. Woe to the mariner who has not strengthened the mast or cast the anchor. The storms will come, and I do not want to be unprepared. I refuse. I will lean on God. I will feed on Him. I will be renewed.
Lord, today I claim Your strength. I claim it not as a weak woman hoping for a crutch, but as a warrior who knows the fight is real. Ephesians 6:10-11, Be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might. I put on Your armor, Father. Every piece. The belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the gospel of peace for my feet, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit. Protect me, guide me, strengthen me. I am weak—but You are strong.
I also feel righteous anger toward the enemy. How dare he try to convince me I am alone, that I am powerless, that God’s provision is optional? Lies. Lies. Lies. He cannot touch me when I am rooted in You. Romans 8:31, If God is for us, who can be against us? No one. Not Satan. Not the world. Not my own foolishness.
But anger alone is not enough. I must act. I must draw renewal from the resources You have already provided. I have access to scripture. I have access to prayer. I have access to worship. I have access to Your Spirit, which intercedes for me with groanings words cannot express (Romans 8:26). I have access to communion, which reminds me daily of the sacrifice that saves me, that strengthens me. And yet, I have ignored them sometimes. How foolish I have been. How easily I let busyness and distraction rob me of You.
Father, remind me constantly of these resources. Remind me that without daily renewal, I cannot survive. John 15:5, Without You, I can do nothing. Help me to cultivate a hunger for Your Word, a thirst for Your presence, a desire to commune with You above all else. Renew me, Lord, because without You, I am nothing. But with You, I am everything You have called me to be.
I feel the tension inside me: compassion for those who are weak, fury at the foolish who reject God, frustration at my own failings, and deep, abiding hope because I know my strength is not mine—it’s His.
God is my refuge, my anchor, my ever-present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1). Even when I cannot pray, when I cannot find the words, even when my heart is too weary to open the Bible, He is there. He never leaves. His Spirit carries me when I cannot carry myself.
Tomorrow I will rise, tired but determined. I will not pretend I am strong. I will let His strength flow through me. I will let Him anchor me in every storm. I will teach others to do the same—not out of pride, but out of love. Not because I have figured it out, but because I have learned what it means to be weak and see Him strong.
Thank You, Lord, for never leaving me, for meeting me in my weakness, for renewing me even when I fail. Thank You that my weakness is not a liability—it is a canvas for Your strength to shine. Psalm 18:32-33, It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.
I am weak. But He is strong. That is the unshakable, unchanging, non-negotiable truth. If I cling to nothing else, if my soul only remembers this, I will survive. I will stand. I will thrive. Not because of my strength, but because His power flows through me.
Lord, let me never take Your provision for granted. Let me never grow complacent. Let me never believe that half-hearted devotion is enough. Let me thirst for You like the earth thirsts for rain, like the trees thirst for sap, like flowers wait for dew. Renew me. Strengthen me. Fill me. Even in my weakness, let Your power shine. Amen.
The Christian Tech-Nerd 