Hey Christians: Stop Being ‘Nice’! The Dangerous Comfort of Christian Passivity

Stop Being ‘Nice’: The Dangerous Comfort of Christian Passivity

As Christians, we are called to love and serve others. This is a commandment from our Lord, expressed clearly in scripture. In Colossians 3:12, we are instructed: “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.” These qualities are beautiful and essential in our walk with Christ. We are to embody kindness, compassion, and understanding in all we do, following the example of Christ Himself.

However, there is a danger in becoming too nice. While kindness and compassion are vital aspects of the Christian faith, there is a fine line between being kind and being too nice. When we cross that line, we may unintentionally harm ourselves and others, despite our good intentions.

In a world that often celebrates the idea of being “nice,” we need to pause and reflect on whether we are embracing God’s call to live with purpose and strength or if we are falling into the dangerous comfort of Christian passivity. This passive niceness can ultimately leave us feeling overwhelmed, resentful, and drained, all while we avoid the harder but necessary aspects of our faith, like confrontation and standing up for what is right.

The Problem with Being Too Nice

When we are too nice, we often prioritize the needs and desires of others over our own. It sounds loving and generous, but the reality is that consistently neglecting our own needs can lead to burnout and a lack of fulfillment. If we are constantly seeking to please others, we may forget that we too have limits, desires, and emotions that matter to God.

The danger of always putting others first is that it can create a pattern of resentment. Over time, we may begin to feel unappreciated or even taken advantage of. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” If we are not careful, neglecting our own emotional and spiritual needs can harm our hearts and ultimately hinder our ability to serve others in the way God intends.

Furthermore, being too nice often causes us to avoid difficult conversations or uncomfortable situations. We may choose to let things slide when we should be addressing them. Maybe someone has hurt us, but we avoid confrontation because we don’t want to upset them. Or perhaps we see someone behaving in a way that’s not in line with God’s will, but we hold back from speaking out because we don’t want to rock the boat. In doing so, we allow unresolved issues to fester, often causing more harm in the long run.

God calls us to be truthful and loving, not passive. Ephesians 4:15 tells us to “speak the truth in love”. This means we are to be honest, but in a way that is gentle and compassionate. We should never shy away from the hard things that need to be said, but we must say them with love, humility, and grace.

Why Setting Boundaries Is Crucial

One of the most important things we can do as Christian women is to set boundaries. Matthew 7:12 tells us, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them.” If we want others to respect our time, energy, and emotions, we must first learn to respect ourselves by setting healthy boundaries.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean we don’t love or serve others—it means that we are protecting ourselves so we can continue to serve in a way that honors God. Luke 6:31 says, “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” Just as we seek respect and care from others, we must learn to protect ourselves from being overwhelmed by the needs of others, lest we lose the ability to serve effectively.

If you are someone who struggles to say “no,” remember that saying “no” to something that doesn’t align with your priorities or values is not a rejection of others. It is an affirmation of your own worth and well-being. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 reminds us that “you are not your own; you were bought with a price.” We belong to God, and we must steward our bodies, minds, and spirits wisely, which includes knowing when to set limits.

Communicate Effectively and Speak Up

Being a Christian doesn’t mean we should accept mistreatment or allow others to walk all over us. Philippians 2:4 encourages us to “Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.” We are called to care for others, but we are also called to protect our hearts and be honest when something isn’t right.

When someone crosses your boundaries or takes advantage of your kindness, it’s essential to speak up. Proverbs 27:5 teaches, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love.” Confronting others in love, though difficult, is sometimes necessary to maintain healthy relationships and protect your own well-being. This doesn’t mean being rude or attacking; it simply means that you communicate with clarity, truth, and respect.

Jesus Himself modeled this for us. He didn’t shy away from hard conversations, whether it was confronting the Pharisees or addressing His disciples about their misunderstanding of His mission. Matthew 23:33 shows Jesus’ boldness in truth when He called the Pharisees out, saying, “You serpents, you brood of vipers, how are you to escape being sentenced to hell?” While this is a strong rebuke, Jesus’ actions were motivated by His love for them and His desire for them to turn from their ways. This is the example we are to follow—speaking the truth with love, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Take Care of Yourself

As women of faith, we often pour ourselves into the lives of others—our families, our friends, and our communities. But in doing so, we sometimes forget the importance of caring for ourselves. Mark 6:31 shows us that even Jesus recognized the need for rest: “And he said to them, ‘Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.’” We need to prioritize our own emotional, physical, and spiritual health if we want to continue serving others in the way God intends.

Taking time for self-care is not selfish; it’s a form of stewardship. 1 Corinthians 10:31 tells us, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” We glorify God by caring for the body He has entrusted to us and ensuring that we are well-rested and spiritually nourished.

Stand Up for Yourself and Others

As Christians, we are not meant to be passive observers in the face of injustice. In Luke 4:18, Jesus proclaims, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed.” Just as Jesus stood up for the marginalized, we too are called to advocate for justice and truth. Whether it’s standing up for someone who’s being mistreated or speaking out against societal injustices, we must be bold in our faith.

A Prayer for Boldness and Strength

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for the beautiful example of love, kindness, and strength that You’ve shown through Jesus. I pray for boldness to live according to Your will and to stand firm in my faith, even when it’s difficult. Help me to balance kindness with truth, compassion with boundaries, and service with self-care. Give me the courage to speak up when I need to, and the wisdom to know when to set healthy limits. May I always seek to glorify You in all I do.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Conclusion

Being kind and compassionate is at the heart of our Christian faith. However, we must also remember that God calls us to live with courage, wisdom, and strength. We are not meant to live in passivity or fear of confrontation. Let us be bold, loving, and wise, reflecting God’s love in all we do—while also taking care of our hearts and standing firm in His truth.