Grace That Never Lets Go

Lord,

I’m wrestling with something deep—and I know You already see it all. I don’t want to pretend, even on this Christian blog of mine. You know my heart, every thought before I even think it (Psalm 139:1–4). So here it is, raw:

I believe in Your love more than I believe in the ground under my feet… but sometimes, I still doubt it.

Why?

Why is it that I’ve sung “Jesus loves me this I know” since I could talk, and still sometimes I wake up wondering if I’ve blown it too many times to still be in Your favor? I recite “For God so loved the world…” (John 3:16) and I KNOW You sent Jesus because You loved me, not because I’m good—but my flesh still asks, “Do I really deserve this kind of love?”

I’m not writing this out of some dramatic emotional spiral. I’m just being honest with myself—and with You. I think a lot of us Christians carry this quiet ache. This quiet insecurity. We walk around singing about Your love but we struggle to feel it.

And I’m just done with pretending. I want to confront it. I want to expose it, call it out, and speak TRUTH over it.

Lie #1: If God loves me, I won’t suffer.
Ugh. This one is toxic. Subtle. Sneaky. And completely false. You never said that if You loved me, You’d shield me from every pain. You actually promised the opposite:

“In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

You’re not absent when I’m hurting—you’re closest in those moments. You didn’t promise protection from pain; You promised purpose in pain. You’re more invested in my eternity than in my temporary comfort. That humbles me. That confronts me.

Lie #2: I don’t deserve God’s love.
True. I don’t. None of us do. But that’s the beauty of grace. You’ve never loved me based on what I do or how I perform. You love me because I’m Yours. Because You made me, called me, and redeemed me.

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ.” – Romans 8:17

God, I am Your daughter. Your beloved. Even on the days I mess up, fall short, speak harshly, or want to quit everything and hide. Your love is steadfast. It doesn’t fluctuate based on my mood or my performance. How freeing is that? You love me just as much on my worst day as on my best.

But I still fall into striving. Still feel like I have to earn it. Like I’ve gotta “be better” to be worthy of Your favor.

No more. I’m choosing to rest in Your truth, not my insecurity.

Lie #3: I don’t feel God’s love.
I’ve realized feelings lie. They are temporary, unreliable, and deeply influenced by sleep, hormones, weather, food… everything. Feelings are not fact. What I fill my mind with shapes how I feel. And if I’m not filling it with Your Word, I’m going to end up parched and emotionally disoriented.

“Feelings follow thinking.”

God, help me to renew my mind with truth (Romans 12:2). Help me to dwell in Your Word. Not just read it, but soak in it. Let it rewire my inner narrative. Let it tune my heart to the rhythm of Your steadfast love.

Because You are love. And You never change.

Truth Bomb: My heart needs tuning.

Sometimes I’m like a dry stone sitting in a river of Your presence, unable to absorb it because I’m not postured to receive. I’ve let cynicism, bitterness, comparison, or just plain distraction coat my heart in spiritual numbness.

But…

“But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments.” – Psalm 103:17

Your love is constant. Everlasting. But for me to experience it fully, I need to fear You (honor You), obey You, and remember Your commands—not as a way to earn Your love but to open myself to it.

So today, I confess all the noise I’ve let crowd my soul. The scrolling. The comparison. The busyness. The pride. The self-pity.

Tune my heart, Lord.

Tear down the lies I’ve believed. Silence the voice that tells me You’ve forgotten me. That I’m not enough. That I’ve messed it up.

Your love is not weak.
It’s not inconsistent.
It’s not petty.
It’s not based on emotion.
It’s not earned.
It’s not manipulated.
It’s not gone.

Your love is steadfast. Firm. Steady. Resilient. Generous. Eternal.

And I believe that. Even when I don’t feel it. Even when my life feels like a question mark. Even when the prayers go unanswered and the doors stay closed.

You are still love. And I am still loved.

So tonight, I rest in this:

“The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.’” – Jeremiah 31:3

Amen.

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